The Body Box

Good day, everyone!!

Whew, has it ever been busy these past few days.  What with seeing the pulmonologist for the bariatric surgery clearance and re-applying for my state funded health insurance, it was enough to keep my eyes crossed for a year!

I'll start with the pulmonologist first.  We get there, I fill out the paperwork and then the receptionist gives me three of the forms back to me and tells me to give them to the doctor.  OK, I can do that.  He then sends me upstairs on an elevator (thank goodness or I don't know how I would have managed to get my walker up there!!) and while it's moving, I see a sign that this floor does the pulmonary function tests (PFT) and "Body Box."  Well, I wasn't too much liking this "body box" thing.  I"ll do the PFT, but forget anything else!!!

We trudged off the elevator (my right leg has just been absolutely KILLING me!) and went down a narrow hall.  I passed an open doorway and there was a lady that called out if I was there for the PFT's.  I said yes and she led me into another room after telling my hubby that he could wait in the waiting room with my walker and purse.  We get into the other room and in the corner was this box like contraption.  It had windows on each side and had all kinds of valves attached to it.  I asked the lady (who wasn't very friendly!) if I was going into that box.  She said yes, "I would have to complete the test.  But not to worry, we'll go nice and easy and you will do fine." Ha!  I didn't share her enthusiasm.  My husband has very bad seasonal allergies and is on all kinds of inhalers and he has done the PFT's, too, but NEVER this "body box" thing.  It looked like it wouldn't even FIT me enough to close the door, let alone being easy to breathe in!!  Yikes!  What have I gotten myself into?

She started me through a series of little tests with some kind of nozzle contraption and a nose clip to keep air from escaping during the test.  I did that test about 49 times!!  Then she got out a medication called "albuterol" and I took it by inhaler.  I had no clue if this was a normal part of the test, or was I really having lung problems?  I didn't have a lot of time to stew about it, though, because then it was time for the BOX.  I sit down on the seat in there and I kid you not, it was wall-to-wall Missy in there!!!  I had no clue how they would close the door!!  But believe it or not, it did close.  When it closed, all noise was gone and she spoke with me via intercom.  I felt like I was in a space shuttle or something.  You know those stories about martians zapping down to earth and choosing their "subject" to do tests on?  I felt like that subject!!  Luckily, there wasn't too many tests in the box and she let me out.  Thank God!!  One more second in there and I would have gone ballistic!
I couldn't get her to tell me what the results were to the tests.  She was very tight-lipped.  She said I'd need to speak with the doctor first.  I know that, of course, being a nurse myself, but it never hurts to see if someone has "loose lips", so to speak!

She prints out the report in some jargon I didn't understand and told me to put it in the little bin by the nurse's station down stairs.  No problem.  We trudged back down via the elevator and put the letter in the bin.  It didn't take long for me to be called back into an exam room.  I think there were only two other people in the waiting room!  I followed another guy who wasn't too cheerful, either, into an x-ray room for a chest x-ray.   Good....another thing I can cross off my checklist for surgery!!  I had the x-rays then went to an exam room where I'd see the doctor.  He wasn't too long in coming and he said everything looked GREAT.  No cardiac or lung issues.  What a relief!!

I fired that disability lawyer yesterday.  We were getting nowhere and our personalities clashed!!  I felt instant gratification to have that done.  If and when I need to have a lawyer again, I will turn to someone else after thorough investigation!!

And then, yesterday, we got a letter from my state funded insurance that they would be canceling me on the 31st of this month!  They stated I failed to report to an interview.  But they never mailed me anything like an interview date!! So my hubby and I again are out and about in 45 degree weather to  stand in line with all the other down on their luck people.  The office was so small and not enough room, especially for the 30 bald babies making their voices heard by shrieking at the top of their lungs.  We waited for about three hours, was called up for a short interview and dismissed.  But my (and my husband's!) insurance and food stamps will continue!!!  I told the guy nothing had changed: I still can't work because of my back and I haven't won the lottery yet.  He smiled at that!  Ha!

I have saved the most serious part of my news for last.  Actually, it's a prayer request.  Frankie is not doing to well at the moment.  He has shaking chills, fever, upset stomach and vomiting.  The later two he has had since his surgery in June of 2010.  The doctors/surgeon don't seem too concerned about it.  But it is NOT normal to be "tossing your cookies" everyday!  And he is pale as a ghost. All his labs come back as "mild anemia."  I am just so very worried about him.  I lost my mom to a serious infection that shut her kidneys down within a 24 hour period and now I sometimes fear that will happen to Frankie.  He has a doctor's appointment on the 26th of this month (soonest he could get in) and I'm going to try and get to the bottom of this.  So could everyone please pray for my husband to be well again?  I'd really appreciate it.

I'll close this long post with a few pictures.  The first two are the Phoenix skyline that I shot going to the pulmonologist.

 

The air quality wasn't too bad downtown when these where taken yesterday.

Jack is "guarding" my brand-new purse I got as Christmas gift from my sister-in-law.

Choices, choices!!! Jake can't decide whether he should have some yummy salmon treats (just don't smell them!) or his seafood cat food.  Pampered kitty indeed!!

Hope you all are having a good week.  Oh, I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I got a Sharper Image Literati e-reader.  I love it!!  I've wanted one for a very long time and Santa was very kind with me.  And my family, of course!!!

Have a great one!
God bless,

Signature bar by Helena.

Questions, Questions and More Questions!

Hello, good friends and family!  Hope the first week of the New Year is going well for you.  I've had some ups and downs, so I don't know how to answer that appropriately yet!  I visited Fed-Ex's site and finally they updated it.  My reader should be in today.  Yay!!  I just hope the blasted thing works OK.  I have to set up the internet for it, so wish me luck.  I figured I would blog first and then play around with the reader when it comes.  It probably will take me a couple of days to set it up and get my e-books.  I'm so excited!!!  It will be the perfect thing to take with me to the hospital when I have the bariatric surgery.  (Provided that I WILL have the surgery!!)  I lost 25 pounds at my last doctor appointment.  I was so proud of myself, as I have been "pretending" I've had the surgery and doing severe portion control with everything.  So I can still lose weight, even without having the surgery.  I figured I'd start that just in case the insurance doesn't approve of the surgery.  The insurance I'm on has banned organ transplant procedures, so you never know what they will and will not cover.

Speaking of weight loss, I have NORMAL feet again!!!!  Both of my ankles and calves are back to what they used to be.  Yay!!  Unfortunately, the neuropathy is just as worse as ever.  Pain and hot prickly surges go up my legs, starting from my toes.  I don't think that will ever leave, unless I have surgery to de-compress the nerves that are pinched in my lower lumbar vertabrae.  Ugh!!  It's always something, isn't it????  At least I can go from a size 11 woman's shoe back to a 10.  Horray!!

And, yesterday I got a letter from the "lawyer from Hell."  She sent a subpeona (hope I spelled that right!) to an evaluator (she never said who....what's up with that?  It's MY case and she's keeping secrets from me!!) about my case.  This person will provide medical records in my case.  He/She will also testify at the trial.  I've got so many questions for this lawyer, and she won't listen to any of them.  I've got mixed feelings about this trial.  Should I still go?  Even though she said over the phone I didn't have a good case?  And if I DID  win, what would happen then?  I'd lose my state issued insurance for sure.  And I can't go on Medicare for another two years.  So I'd lose all health insurance.  My medications ALONE would cost most of the check.  It's not like we would benefit any from me getting a check at this point.  I just don't know what to do!!!  My family is putting it all up to me.  Yikes!!  If you've got some advice for me, I would love to hear it!!

I was taking a peek at my new camera and downloaded a few new pics of Jack that I took.  One is perfect for "Wordless Wednesday."  You will see that tomorrow.  :0)  But here is a close up of his adorable "lion cut."  I paid $55.00 on that so I love to show it off.  I also love spending time with Jack.  His world is so simple.  Eat, drink, potty and then lay with his "people."  That being me and my hubby.  No worries, no cares in the world.  Where do I sign up for that life????

Isn't he the cutest?  He knows it, too!!!  I just love the little plume on the end of his tail.

OK, I guess that is enough of my ranting for now.  Hope I didn't bore everyone into a coma about my goings-on with the Social Security and Medicare.  It bores me sometimes!!!

Hope you all have a great Tuesday.  I'm thinking about you all!!
Big hugs from me to you!!!
God bless,
Missy

PS....I EMAILED THE WINNER'S ADDRESSES TO THE CONTACT PERSON SPONSORING MY CHOCOLATE GIVEAWAY.  Big Thank-you to Sandy who sponsored me.  May we do this again soon!!  :0)

Yes, I'm Still Alive!

Howdy, everyone!!

Sorry it has taken me FOREVER to blog.  I really love it, it's just that I am having really big problems sitting up recently.  My back and legs are just killing me.  I can stay up for max, 15 minutes, then my back starts up and it seeps down into my legs.  And then the neuropathy starts up and ends in both feet.  It feels like I've got someone down there with a fire torch or something.  It's just miserable!!!

I miss having my laptop in times like this.  I had one for years and then a year ago my laptop motherboard decided to take a hike.  We didn't have the money to replace it, so I had to let it go to the "laptop graveyard" in the sky.  We have a beautiful desktop model, thanks to my sweet brother and sis-in-law, but unfortunately I can't use it in bed how I am used to with the laptop.  Maybe someday I can get another one.  Or, even better, maybe someday my back and legs will stop hurting and I can use the desktop in total comfort.  Which do you think will happen first?  :0)

I hope you all had a great new year's eve.  My hubby and I did nothing but lay on the bed and watch "7th Heaven" on DVD.  We just purchased the final season, so we have a complete set now.  I love that show.  We began watching it together 3 months before we got married.  So it's a special show for us...."our show."  OK, I'll quit being a dork.  :0)  Anyway, we fell asleep shortly after midnight, to the sound of illegal fireworks shooting outdoors.  The sub freezing temps didn't deter them at all from doing the fireworks!!  The following morning, it was 27 degrees here in AZ.  I expect that up in Flagstaff, NOT here in Phoenix.  We even had a tiny flurry of SNOW!!  Yikes!!  It was warmer in New York, than here in Phoenix!  It is now starting to warm up a bit.  But we had a historic new years day with those temps being so low.

We got some money for Christmas, so I decided to order one of those electronic e-readers.  I ordered a "Literati" e-reader from some department store in Pennsylvania.  It was very cheap at $79.99 and it is in color!!  I couldn't pass up on that!!  My problem remains with Fed-Ex.  The damn thing, to this day, still has NOT come and they haven't updated their website since Dec. 27th.  It shows still being in Pennsylvania.  My hubby called them up today to see what the deal was.  The lady there stated that it is on ground and won't be "scanned" in until it reaches a major checkpoint.  She said I should be receiving it tomorrow.  I better!!  I've NEVER had this problem with Fed-Ex before!!  I can't wait to get that reader.  I even have some money left over for some e-books.  :0)

On an earlier post I said I'd tell you why I fired my Social Security lawyer.  Well, to make a long story short (plus my back is starting to really hurt again!) she insisted on trying my case on the premise that I am majorly depressed.  She didn't want to hear at all about my bad back....I've even got proof with the MRI....but she shrugged it off and went on about how I'd need to get a psychiatrist and all that jazz.  I'm NOT depressed!!  AND, I've never seen the broad, either!!  She insists on doing things by phone and letter.  Well, I was talking to her the week after Christmas and again, I tried to tell her about my back.  She wouldn't listen.  I told her I was NOT depressed, so therefore, NOT getting a psychiatrist.  She went into a tizzy and then when I asked her the chances of getting disability with this case, she said it wasn't very good.  So why do it?  I've got the bariatric surgery with all its tests and appointments coming up and that is a major stress for me.  I can't do BOTH in January!!  I was still talking when the lawyer just up and hung up on me.  SHE HUNG UP ON ME!!  I hate that!!  So bye, bye lawyer from Hell.  I can't work with someone I can't talk to!!  So I don't know if I will pursue disability or not.  I really want to return to work after I lose weight.  We shall see.

That's it so far.  And I really have to go lay down with my heating pad again.  My damn back!!  I think it's this cold that is seeping into my bones and making me feel worse.
I hope you all are doing well.  I will visit blogs tomorrow, when I can use the computer hopefully pain free again.

Have a great day!!
Hugs n' blessings to all.....
Missy

Merry Christmas, My Friends!

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I am so very thankful to have such great friends.  Both online with the blog and Facebook and off-line with my in-laws, my grandma, my dad, Gina and numerous other family and friends.  I've never been involved with such a big network of people who have done nothing but offer me love, help and support this past year.  I wish I could say thank you personally to all of you, but my friends list is over 1,000 and it's impossible for me to say thank you to you personally.  So to everyone:  THANK YOU SO MUCH AND MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!! 

I don't know if I told you yet that I now have an official hearing date to get my disability benefits.  The hearing will take place January 29, 2011.  I am so totally freaked out.  I will be going up against an administrative law judge alone with just my lawyer, whom I still have NOT seen face-to-face.  She is really great with mailing me stuff and calling, and I already have heard from her twice since I was notified of the hearing date.  She is getting all my recent medical records and also my bariatric surgery appointment records and neurosurgeon records.  I hope everyone cooperates and sends what they need to to my lawyer.  If anyone has gone through a hearing and feel like telling me what your experiences were, I'd love to hear it.  If you don't want to leave a public comment, email me at: missyschranzrn@gmail.com. 

And if that weren't enough, January is the month I start all the testing for the bariatric surgery!!  December isn't even over with and already January is almost booked back to back with appointments for me and my husband!  Yikes!!!  But I have made a pact with myself that for today and tomorrow, I'm not going to think about or be worried about the above projects.  It's Christmas, and I'm going to enjoy it to the fullest!!!  We are going to my sister-in-law's house for Christmas and is so totally a kick butt cook!!  I love her cooking and so does my husband.  Thank you, Barbara for having us and my grandma.  :0)

I can't believe my grandma's time here is almost up.  She will be leaving Dec. 29th, which is the date of my psychology examination for the bariatric surgery.  So my in-laws will be driving her to the airport.  We have had sooooo much fun and laughs, I can't begin to even tell you all the fun we have had.  At first I thought it might be hard to see her and she would remind me too much of my dear mom in Heaven, but I was so glad to see her, it wasn't hard at all!!  She keeps calling me "Cindy", but that's OK.  She did that when Mom was alive, too, so I'm used to being called my mom's name.  :0)  I will be sure to get photos tomorrow of our time at Barbara's, whether Granny likes or not!

Grandma got me a gorgeous new camera that takes beautiful pics and videos.  At the end of this post I will put up new pics of Jack and some videos of our light tours around town.  They turned out so well!  I hope you enjoy them.

I got so many cute comments about the picture I selected for "Wordless Wednesday."  To clear up confusion, the picture is of MY MOM and NOT me.  We got lost in San Diego finding our hotel and when we finally did, she let herself into our room and went right for the bed!  Too bad she didn't like the GPS.  She wasn't going to take orders "from some voice in a box."  Ah, gotta love her!

We got a gift certificate from Frankie's brother and his family (THANK YOU so much, Doug and Patty!) and with it we got a web cam.  So I signed up with Skype and now I need people to talk to!  My dad and Gina will be talking to me with the web cam next week.  That will be so rad!  So if you have Skype, look me up!  My user name is: missyschranz.

OK!  That's enough, don't you think?  I hope you all have fun wherever you go.  You deserve it!!!  Here is my pictures of Jack and the light videos:

 

Jackie has started a habit of sleeping with us every night.  I don't know why I got him a kitty bed!  He doesn't use it (only rarely)!!  We also had him groomed. I love how soft and smooth he feels and he has NO fur mats, either.  It ain't cheap, either.....$55.00 plus tip, but it is sooooo worth it!

"Mr. J."

Well, I tried and tried to get my light videos to upload and they just won't.  I don't know if it is a problem with Blogger, our Internet or the computer.  So here's two pictures I took of some light displays we saw in town.  :0)

For all you "Pooh" fans!  I love Pooh, too!

God bless you all!
Until next post,

PS.....You still have time to enter my chocolate giveaway!  It ends Dec. 30th and you can find the post in my archive under "Another Giveaway."

Hurry Up!

Howdy, folks!  Just wanted to let you know that if you hurry, you can still enter my chocolate giveaway by midnight, PST.  I will be picking winners and emailing them to let them know they are a lucky winner.  I get to choose 5 winners...and I've got plenty of room left for you to sign up if you haven't done so.  They can make perfect stocking stuffers if the company sends them out in time....I'm sure they will!!

Hope you all are having a great Saturday.  I'm still having a horrible time with my right leg/calf and can hardly walk on it.  I'm nervous about my upcoming hearing for the disability.  If anyone has been to a disability hearing, if you don't mind sharing your story I'd love to hear it.  My lawyer says I don't have much "paper evidence" so maybe seeing me in person and how badly I get around will help.  I hope so!  And she said I can get on Medicare in two months as I've already done my time waiting to get the hearing!  That is what I was worrying about..the standard two year wait for Medicare.  I would lose my state benefits if I got a check monthly and I can't lost my medical insurance.  That would be a nightmare!  OK, I'm finished with venting!!!

My grandma is so sweet....she got me a new camera for Christmas.  It was on sale and boy is it a beauty.  I took the videos and picture in my last post with the new camera.  We are having so much fun just yakking around and enjoying each other's company.

OK....time is of the essence....sign up NOW for my giveaway by going to the "For Chocoholics" post in my archive.

God bless!

TGIF!!

Howdy, my dear friends!  I hope this post finds you all happy and in the holiday spirits.  I'm getting there...I've already received two early Christmas gifts from my husband and Grandma!  Aren't they sweet?  I got a massage with heat pad and that feels oh, so good!!  I have a hard time coming off of it!!!  My hubby couldn't have found a more perfect gift!  He probably is tired of me constantly asking for a massage....LOL!

My grandma got me a wonderful digital camera.  It has 10 megapixels and works much faster than my old one.  With the old one, I had to use rechargeable batteries and they would only last for about 5 minutes before you could take another picture.  NOT a good camera for fast -paced sports activities!!  This camera solely takes alkaline batteries and those lost so much  longer.  The camera is called "Insignia."  I used the camera all day yesterday when we were out and about, and the batteries are holding strong.  I can even take several videos of the lights and show you my new camera.  OK---here we go!!!

I just love Christmas, don't you?  I love praising the Lord for this is His day always.  Christmas has become so commercialized, hasn't it?  Kids want all the latest toys and adults want the latest electronics.  When I was kid, I got mostly clothes for Christmas and toys that didn't require batters that run, but your IMAGINATION!!.  What happened to those days of yesteryear?  Sigh.  Here's another video:

The Shutterfly photo book I posted yesterday was actually FREE for me, I just had to pay shipping and handing.  Shutterfly paid the rest.  Because I got the new camera, that deal came with it!  How sweet!  I've loaded it with pictures of my mom, dad, hubby and me as a memory book to use when I feel down.

Having Grandma here has been a blessing.  Just like old times, except we are in Phoenix instead of Yuma.  And my mom's not here for us to be the "Three Muskateers."  I feel bad that my legs and back are NOT cooperating and we can't really do much but ride about and look at lights.  She says she is having fun and having problems with her back, too.  This morning I woke and and took that first step and my leg hurt so bad I thought I broke it.
Then, as I walk on it, it gets a little better.  I had to cancel the pulmonologist due to I couldn't walk into the office.  Literally!  Now that is pretty bad!!

I will be getting more pictures of me and Grandma (who cares if I'm fat? I've come to accept that and more on to ways to get thinner.)  And who knows when I see Grandma again?  I'll post those as soon as I get them.  :)  Tomorrow I have to work on my application for state food stamps and medical insurance.  Oh, fun!  I'll just use what I had for last year and copy that.  Nothing has changed with me, unfortunately!!!

I have a hearing date for Social Security Disability....January 29th.  I have yet to see me lawyer and she said I don't really have much evidence, but wants me to go so they can see me in person.  I am a pathetic sight.  I'll take my walker, my medical records and the the truth.  My lawyer says that if I get disability, then I would qualify for Medicare in two months, because I've waited almost two years anyway fighting my case.  So we shall see.  I just don't want to lost my medical insurance.  Please pray for me!!!

Last but not least, don't forget to register for my giveaways!  I'm got on on the post page "For Chocoholics" witch ends soon- December 18th at midnight.  And the new one on the post page "Another Giveaway."  That one ends December 30, if I remember correctly.  It's wonderful chocolate and makes excellent stocking stuffers.

OK, my leg is killing me so it's time to get it up.  Jack agrees too....talk a look at the cute picture I got of him with my new camera:

Man, WHERE can I get a life like his?  It just isn't fair!!  He doesn't do laundry or house cleaning or cooking.  But he looks at you with that face and I'm taken in again!!!  I love you, Jackie!!

Hope you all have a good weekend!
God bless you and yours.
Until next post,

Down Day

Good morning (or evening-depending on where you are) my dear friends!

It's kind of funny in the way that I had started this post a few days ago and had it interrupted by my husband's medical crisis and readmission to the hospital.  I put it on hold and can just now finally come back to it and finish it.

I have had such a wide array of emotions lately. The biggest of them being depression.  I'm on two anti-depressants for the fibro and yet I still am depressed! Go figure.  When I look back on my life, in my eyes, I just don't see much that I've accomplished.  I'm not world famous for some invention, I'm not Mother Theresa (not even close!) nor have I written that New York Times Bestseller novel I always promised myself I'd do.  I love writing and it is my main mode of communication.  Growing up with a speech impediment, you find anyway to express yourself - without speaking - and my mode was written word.  Now, I HAVE written a lot of poems, but that's about it. And now just recently, I've started this blog.  Hard to believe I've been blogging for almost three months now.  So much has happened in those three months, it's hard to believe!

My husband and I have had such a hard time of it these past few years.  We've never lived alone - just him and I.  We lived with my parents for ten years because they couldn't afford rent AND to eat, and we couldn't afford our rent, their food bill AND our own bills, so we decided to consolidate households and we lived together until my mom died in 2008.  Now my dad is living in a senior apartment complex in Michigan and my hubby and I are living with HIS parents now, because I can't work due to my low back issues and the fibro and my husband can't work because of his cancer and the medication to treat it causes severe bone and joint pain. He is on disability - they approved him the first time.  Me-I've applied, been rejected, filed an appeal, been rejected again, and am now waiting for a hearing.  I don't know if my lawyer is real or not, I've never seen her face-to-face.  She only does business over the phone.  What's up with that? Do I know how to pick 'em or what?  I haven't heard from her in months and with all the drama going on with first my dad and then my hubby, I've let things slip a little.  If only the folks at Social Security could see me and how I function....or DON'T function....it would be a different story.  I don't know what hurts worse on me - my left foot or right calf - and I have this pain on a daily basis, regardless of all the medications I take.  It just seems like pain, lack of good sleep and keeping my husband OUT of the hospital are all my life is made up to do.  Anyone ever feel like that sometimes?

OK, I'll knock it off now.  We have a roof over our head, and a very nice one, too. I even have something I've wanted my whole life....an awesome sister-in-law and brother-in-law!!  I thank Frankie for sharing them with me. :0)  Even if I were to be approved for disability, it would make my life HARDER (yes, you read right) as then I'd lose my state health benefits because we would be over the limit on earnings.  So my disability check would go for doctor's appointments, labs and medications.  I just feel so bad for being a "leech" on my in-laws for two years now.  I wish I could contribute in some way. I can't even do housework with how bad my back is and now my feet with the plantar fascitis.  Every time I stand, it takes my breath away!  I know my in-laws are itchin' to get into their Winnebago and hit the high road, but with my hubby in and out of the hospital so often now, they are afraid to go and leave us for any period of time.  It just is so unfair! When will we get a break? ARGH!!!!!!!

OK, sorry. I really will knock it off now!  On Thursday I go to the foot doctor to see what can be done about my in-grown toenail on my right foot and the severe pain in my left foot.  So we'll take care of that.  My hubby is doing better, no more fever, but he is on potent IV antibiotics.  Last night they took him down to radiology to look at the drain and possibly replace it, but it didn't need replacement.  They injected it with a clot buster medication and it's working fine.  I flushed it once a day when he was home....that's all I could do with the limited amount of flushes I had.  Even Tim was having a hard time getting them at the home health agency!  He said they only gave out flushes to patients with PICC lines or other IV ports. NOT drains.  What kind of crazy, stupid arrangements is THAT?  If insurance companies would just listen to how stupid their rules are, I'll bet they would change some of them!

Now I'm worried that my state insurance plan won't cover the LapBand procedure I want to undergo.  I go to that seminar Aug. 24th and then make an appt. with the bariatric surgeon.  I read on the LapBand website that some insurances won't cover it and they have these financial plans you can apply for.  But with our credit history, nobody is crazy enough to approve our application!  And I just feel like this is my final hope. I've quit losing weight, in fact now I'm gaining again!  The last few doc appointments I've had shown an upward rise on the weight scales!  And I'm not doing anything differently or cheating by eating a whole Sara Lee cake!  I think it's water retention, as my feet are still very swollen.  If I could have this LapBand surgery, I believe it would help in so many ways.  With the water retention, my back (maybe I could even work again!) and it would take a lot of weight off of my legs and feet.  I'm almost afraid to get my hopes up when I see the surgeon because I'm fearful they will just come crashing back down around my swollen ankles!  But nothing ventured, nothing gained as the saying goes.  Just pray that my insurance covers this operation!!

I guess I'll close this post and get on with the day and see where it takes me.  I'll see my hubby around noon, as I noticed that the chances of getting a good parking space is right around then.  I've had ample opportunity to study the parking lot, that's for sure!  I have it memorized by now.  My husband just HAS to get better and stay out of that place for longer than a week!!

Thank you for reading this and listening to me blather on about my problems. Hope I didn't bore you too much.  I really appreciate all my followers and all my friends.  If not for you and my family & the Good Lord above, I would have given up long ago.

Have a good day and remember to have some fun, too.  Life isn't all worries and work....THANK GOD!!!  I keep telling myself this over & over....

Love ya all,
Until next post,
Missy

To Be Or Not To Be....Disabled

I couldn't sleep tonight too well, guess I'm a little more worried about my upcoming heart tests in the morning than I thought! And then there is my husband's consultation with the surgeon on Friday. And just when I thought things were starting to settle down!  Hmph....life always goes and throws a curve ball at you. I'm also very saddened to hear that my dear sister-in-law had to put her & her husband's 12 year old German shepherd dog Katya to sleep yesterday. She couldn't move her back legs at all and had long standing hip problems. She was in so much pain, it comforts me a little to know she no longer is suffering. It still hurts, though. So I've been thinking about them, too. So I figured, hey.....why not put my blog to go use and record some of my inner thoughts about having fibro?  I'm sure those of you that have fibro or know someone who does, have had these same feelings.

I think for me, the worst part about fibro is not knowing when it will strike again. Which body part is up next on its target to make my life a living, painful hell!!  And then, to top it off, if you can't sleep very well for a few nights (and all it takes is a few!) you go into massive flare-up that will guarantee that you will be up many more nights trying to deal with it! Fibromyalgia is soooo screwy! You can't sleep because of the pain, but the pain is why you can't sleep!  I just don't understand this disease at all. You'd think after dealing with its crap for 14 years, I'd be closer to having a handle on this disease.  NOPE. Not even close!

The second worse thing about fibro is knowing that a lot of people don't QUITE believe you are in as much pain as you say you are. Or exhausted as much as you say you are. I've had so many people when I was working say to me, "You are so young! You don't look sick or tired. You should try being MY age...."  I HATE that! What, so I'm young and look normal (except for the Prednisone moon face!) that means I can't have pain or be exhausted from a disease that causes pain and exhaustion?  It was no better when I was diagnosed with arthritis. I got comments then along the lines of...."What, YOU? Arthritis? That's for old people!")  I just can't win. I guess again, because I'm young, my joints are automatically immune to rheumatoid arthritis.  Aye carumba! It just makes me soooo mad the ignorant comments people make. When I was working at my job at the hospital in Yuma, my boss never believed me about having fibro. When I would have massive flare-ups and couldn't even walk, she would still expect me to be ready to go at 7pm for my shift. And if I wasn't, I was always called into her office because of my attendance issues. I told her about the fibro, even left her an article about the effects of it, but I might as well have been talking to a brick wall.  I quit that job after working there 10 years when I no longer could do the rat race of running like a chicken with my head cut off, taking care of 12 acutely ill adults with cancer (on chemotherapy which requires a lot of monitoring) and kidney failure (on peritoneal dialysis which takes even more monitoring) and all the ER admits that would come up all in one lump sum. I could never find enough help because they always thought night shift sat around with our feet high on the desk, eating bon-bons and talking about our weekend plans. So they only had a set amount of nurses on shift and it was never enough.

In 2003, I quit that job and started another at a rehab hospital that just went up in Yuma. I loved that job. A lot less load and stress (which fibro just feeds off of) and I had a manager that believed I had fibro. I struggled with should I tell her I have fibro or not? There's a big debate about that and my thoughts are, better to tell early in the game then to wait and have a massive flare-up and then you are forced to tell your boss why you are not at work. Then they wonder why you kept it secret. I worked the rehab about 3 years, then the wonderful manager I hired in with left and in came the manager from hell. I could go on and on about how she treated me, but I don't want to think about that, much less write about it. You get the drift....she didn't believe me, our work load increased and I couldn't do the job. So I had to leave that job and go to one of the local nursing homes in town for another job. A couple of my rehab nursing friends were at this nursing home, trying to get it back to snuff after being fined big time after failing some of its health checks by the state.

I only lasted 6 months at the nursing home. My friends turned on me and the patient load there was atrocious.....I had over 100 residents to watch over! And all the paperwork. NO health insurance or benefits. My friends (and I use that term lightly) promised all these great things and NONE of them came to pass. Not one.

So, I was back to looking at hospitals for employment. I landed a travel nurse job and had a few assignments, but it was exhausting to keep moving after every contract ended (which was about 3 months each contract), so I didn't last long at that. Then came San Antonio and my job there....I spoke about that in early entries of the blog, so I won't go into detail here, just to say that here I was, emotional eater that gained tons of weight, lugging my body on joints that just screamed out in pain, I knew I wouldn't be keeping this job long, either.  It's just to physical and youth or no youth, I just couldn't keep up anymore.

So, my mom dies and we come to Phoenix and I applied for disability for the first time August 2008.  I filled out the 900 forms the government required, gave the list of doctors I had seen and sat back and waited....and waited...and waited for over 6 months. The letter finally came. DENIED. They said that due to my age and employment skills, I should be able to find a job that will conform to my disabilities. They also said I could stand for three hours, which was sufficient enough to work as a hospital nurse. All I gotta say is....what planet did they just zone in from? I couldn't stand 3 MINUTES, let alone hours. I have horrible pains that shoot from my back to both legs and doing even a walk down the block is sheer agony for me. With carrying so much weight on me, it just was a nightmare on my joints. Plus, all the disability board had to go on was ONE lab report and my Yuma doctors notes.  My rheumatologist in CA never sent the records to the board for review.  So, I took all the info I had, got my records myself and looked through the phone book for a lawyer. THAT was not an easy thing to do...you know how many disability lawyers there are out now? TONS! How do you chose?  I saw a picture of a nice looking lady who specializes in pain and suffering cases, and I definitely had THAT, so I thought she was my gal. I called her up, she sent me the forms (another packet with a ream of paper in it!) and we set up a phone interview. This was around the time of the swine flu scare, so she wasn't seeing anyone in her office. She told me she does her work over the phone.  She wasn't kidding....to this day, I have never SEEN her, only heard her voice over a phone. I don't know why she won't see people in her office now and I find it strange that she can represent someone she's never even seen.  Anyway, I put all that aside, and she helped me file for an appeal. And then we waited again.....and waited....and waited.  The appeal came back....DENIED.  I was devastated. How can this be? I paid into that crappy fund all my working years and now when I really need money, I can't get it? Yet, I see all kinds of people on disability for things I think they shouldn't be...like for minor depression or get this....difficulty sleeping! I kid you not.  Unbelievable!

So, my lawyer filed for request for a hearing and that is where I'm at now with the process. She said it could take up to a year to get a hearing date. I haven't heard a word from her OR social security in months now. My lawyer wants to have my case heard by claiming I have severe depression and unable to function because of the loss of my mother. Plus, I'm on all kinds of medications (esp. the anti-depressants used to treat fibro) so I must be horribly depressed. I tried to tell the lawyer I didn't like this approach, being that I'm NOT severely depressed, I CAN function without my mom (I miss her terribly, sure, but it doesn't interfere with my daily activities!) and I'm taking the Savella, Paxil & Trazadone for the fibromyalgia, NOT depression.  I told her I thought we'd have a better chance with hearing my case on the basis of the bulging discs in my back, morbid obesity (I hate that word!) radiculopathy, which is another name for sciatica. I even had proof....the MRI I had in October of 2009....but she wouldn't hear anything of it.  So, now with the new developments with my heart and having these tests, I'm going to see what the results are and call the lawyer back and let her know I'm seeing a cardiologist now, on top of everything else. The cardiologist suggested that if the tests are OK, and he said that my weight could be the cause of the screwy EKG results, that I go for the lap band procedure to help me lose weight faster since I can't exercise. I use a walker and can't even go around the block now, my back and legs hurt so bad from the bulging discs and neuropathy. If I could have the surgery to correct my back, I think I can go back to work since the Savella has done wonders for my fibromyalgia. I think it actually is in semi-remission and rears its ugly head every now and then with a bad flare.  Especially if I'm worried about something and can't sleep....like tonight. I'll probably pay for this dearly in the morning!!

If anyone has had that lap-band procedure, I'd LOVE to hear about it. Please leave a comment or email me with your experiences.

Alrighty, I think I can try and go back to bed now. Thank you for listening and I'll keep you posted about how things go with my test and my husband's surgery appointment. Please keep us in your prayers. We need it! And I will pray for you, too.

Until the next post,
Have a great day!

Missy