Prednisone, Anyone?

Howdy, all!

Hope you are all recovered from Thanksgiving and Black Friday and are looking forward to Christmas (yay!) and the fresh New Year to come.  God, I hope it's a better year all around.  I'm having to go down on my Prednisone or the bariatric surgeon won't operate on me due to increased infected risk.  I can see his point and he wants my odds of success to be as high as they can be, but God....oh, dear God am I suffering.  If anyone ever offers you Prednisone, JUST SAY NO!  I wish I would have about 5 years ago when I was started on it when I was having a bad flare of my rheumatoid arthritis and nothing else was working.  Now I'm stuck on the damn stuff and can't function at the 10mg I was started on way back when.  I've been on 20mg a day for about two years and when I got down to the 10mg (following my rheumy's advice) I could hardly get out of bed.  I walked like the tin soldier and every joint in my body just ached.  After consulting Dr. Schranz (my nice mother-in-law!) we think I took too much of a jump from 20 to 10 so now I'm on 15mg.  I feel a little better.  At least I can walk for a longer time, but I can't stand at all now.  All my weight is up front and pulls on my lower back when I stand and oh, my dear God, it hurts SO bad!  It's those moments that keep me going and thinking that the surgery is worth the going down on the Prednisone and all the misery that it entails.  Boy, I've got myself in such a bind and gaining all this weight is my own stupid fault!!  I promise, God, if you will help me get thin again I WON'T mess it up!!

My husband is not doing too much better.  He is having problems with vomiting about 2-3 times a day now.  And really BIG, LARGE amounts!  We've had him try everything: tea, toast, eating small meals several times a day and the list goes on.  Even his anti-nausea medication isn't working anymore.  I've asked him if he's stressed about anything and he says no, but sometimes you can be worrying about things and not even know it. It lurks below the surface.  I just don't know what to do.  Luckily he has a doc's appointment coming up.  He may need to see a gastro doctor.  We shall see.

Nothing else going on.  We're just survivin' the best we can.  I go on the computer and go on "blog hops" a lot to get my mind off things and how awful I feel.  It really does help and you meet a lot of new and interesting people by "following" their blogs.  If you got a blog, try the two blog hops I have up currently in my left sidebar.  I highly recommend them!

Thank you so very much for all your sweet comments and advice.  My Thanksgiving post had 9 comments...wow!  That is the most I had EVER!!  So keep 'em coming.  I love knowing what you guys are thinking and feeling.  Don't be shy!!

To end this post I'll put in another one of my poems and a pretty picture.  I hope you guys are liking this new feature I'm doing.  :0)

 A Friend Is A Friend

You always were so cheery and bright
I would sit back to see you succeed through the day
And sit in gloom as you would shine through the night.
You always knew where you want to be,
Who you are and how to get there;
You even tried to show me.

A friend is a friend is a friend.
Someone who is there
To love and cherish
A friend is someone who'll always care.
A friend is a friend is a friend
Someone who is true
And loves through every trial
To talk to when you are blue.
A friend loves you through it all
Through good times and bad
And they even pick you up when you fall.
A true friend is a person you can't easily forget
All the times shared are stuck in your mind
And all those times you will never regret.

When I first thought of leaving
I shook my head
Not knowing what I was believing.
I will keep you close to my heart
For always and eternity
As I wake up today for a new start.
Don't be sad for me not being here, friend of mine,
Don't cry nor weep but do one last thing for me-
Let that internal light that was always there shine.  

This photo was taken by my soon-to-be stepmom, Gina.  She is an awesome photographer. This picture was taken in Oklahoma, where she lives.  Please stop by her blog and say hi and that Missy sent ya!  She'll love it!!. Just click here to visit her KEWL blog!!     

That pretty much does it!  Wish me luck on my doctor's appointment tomorrow.  I'm gonna give her an earful about the Prednisone.  Heck, she probably runs screaming for the hills when she knows I'm coming! Ha!

Have a great night!
God bless!

Singin' The Prednisone Blues

Hello, everyone!!!

As the title post says, I am definitely singing the predensione blues.  This week I'm on 10mg a day, which is half of the 20 mg I was on before.  It takes me about one hour to get from the bedroom to the bathroom in the morning, right when I first get up.  Thank God for the narrow hallways, as I hold on to both sides to give me support down the hall.  Then in the sink I lean on that to wash my face and brush my teeth.  What is so amazing to think about was I was on 10mg a day about 3 years ago and felt fine!  But then I started gaining weight and that is what really put added strain on my bones and joints.  I have no one to blame but ME!!  I wish I could go back in time and not have gained that weight.  But as they say, hind sight is ALWAYS 20/20.  How true!!
I guess I'm "paying the piper" like my dad always said!!  And what a piper to play!!

As you all may know, I recently received "The Sylish Blogger Award."  Here are some of the lucky blogs I blessed the award with.  Some have chosen to receive it and put it on their blog, and others have not.  It's their choice.  Please stop by their sites and show their blog some love!! :0)  Here's the list:

My Life In A Blog  This is one of my favorite blogs.  Not because Gina is my dad's girlfriend, but because I like her as a person and her blog shows her hard work!  :0)

Looney Life - My Life As A Housewife and Mom
This is one of my dearest childhood friends that we found each other on Facebook and then on Blogger!  She has such a beautifully decorated blog, you should stop and see it.  She already decorated for Christmas, which is her (and mine!) favorite time of the year!!

A Real (Upstate) NY Housewife  This, too, is one of my favorite blogs.  Martha really says it like it is and I LOVE that in a person.  She is involved now in a campaign where you write a post a month for November and combining that with a letter campaign where you write letters to your parents, ex boyfriend/husband, to a stranger, ect.  The letters are very good!!  Stop by and see for yourself!!

Life And Fibromyalagia   I just love this blog by Heather!  She puts her whole heart and body into it and it shows!  She just recently had her mother die from complications of Alzheimer's disease was taking care of her at her childhood home.  And what a fine job Heather did considering she, herself, suffers from fibromyalgia.  All mother's should be as lucky to have such a devoted and caring daughter.  When you have a moment, stop by her site.

When Hello Means Goodbye
This is a cute site featuring Grayden, a precocious 2 year old that has completely filled the hearts of his adopted mom and dad.  The adoptive parents went through a horrible nightmare of losing an infant just moments after he was born.  Very sad story, but incredible blog.

OK, that is it for the award round-up, I will be giving out more soon to those sites I find adorable and educational!!  So watch out, I may be surprising you with the award!!

Now for the beautiful scenic picture.  Here goes:

This was taken when my mom, dad, me and Frankie went to the Wild Animal Park in Escondido, California.  We had so much fun on that trip and took so many pictures.  I love pictures - in case you didn't know that...LOL!!!!!!

Here's the poem I selected for this post.  I hope you like it:

The Conch          

I first saw the conch
When I was walking on the beach.
Just walking,
It came from nowhere
Going absolutely anywhere.
I looked and it was there.
I leaped forward
As I had never seen one before.
It was so beautiful,
And curved with an angels touch
I just knew it's sound would be perfect.
Calling anywhere to anyone,
Calling them to come join me
To make me happy,
To lessen my sorrow.
Yes, I wanted to hear it
So bad that it ached the
Edges of my heart.
I have called others before
But they are close
But yet far away.
Never there when I need them
But always home.
I need that conch
To reach a lonely heart
That matches my heart.
It will call far
And I will have a new and better chance.
As I reach down for the conch,
I am just brushing sand     
With fingertips.
It is like there was no conch
Only my silly dreams and
It is like I imagined it.
I stand up,
Heart broken for a moment
While a new wish fills my heart.
Someday I will have that conch
And it will bring me a love so deep
I never could have imagined.

Hope everyone has a great Saturday and Sunday.  Geez, it's so hard for me to think today what with having fibro fog and all.  And I just used some of my Polar Frost gel and got some of it in my eye!  Aye Carumba!!!!!  That BURNS!!

Have a great weekend!
God bless!

"Meet Me Monday" Blog Hop

Good Monday, everyone!
Well, we had a little repeat of what happened yesterday morning with Frankie vomiting in the morning but I did NOT have any diarrhea!  Yay!  We figured that maybe the oatmeal he has for breakfast is what is doing it.  Tomorrow he has an appointment with his pain specialist, so we'll see what he has to say about the matter.  Maybe it's a combination of meds and foods....who knows!!

OK!  Today is "Meet Me Monday" where you answer five questions about yourself and it's also a blog hop, too.  It sounded fun, so I decided to try it out here on my blog.  What an interesting way to get to know each other.  The button to join along with the blog hop is right up top on the right hand side bar.  I do hope that many will partake in this "getting to know you" blog hop.  So here goes:

QUESTIONS:

1.  Do you eat Sushi?
2.  What kind of bath soap do you use?
3.  How often do you talk to your Mom?
4.  What TV shows do you watch on a regular basis?
5.  Did you start Christmas shopping yet?

ANSWERS:

1.  Heck no!  I know my grandpa always told me to always try something first, then say I don't like it, but in this case, just looking at Sushi is enough to make me run for the exit door!
2.  I LOVE my Suave Lavender and Vanilla body wash.  I read somewhere Lavender is very soothing and I believe it.  When I've had a tough day, it's always nice to have a wonderful shower with my soothing body wash!
3.  When my mom was alive, I spoke with her every day.  I told her all my hopes and dreams and when I was upset or crying about something, she always knew how to make me feel better.  Oh, how I miss her so!  She died just a day past her 60th birthday and it's been hard to live without her and not talk to her anymore.  So all you out there that still have your mom, CHERISH HER!  You just don't know how long you will have her around.
4.  I used to be a big TV watcher, but over the past 2 years now I've been more into reading and using the computer.  When I did watch TV, I loved "Supernatural" (I have a gigantic high school girl crush on Jensen Ackles!), "King of Queens" and "Hell's Kitchen."  It always amazed me how the cooks could work under such pressure of Gordon Ramsey!
5.  No, I usually wait until the stores are TOTALLY packed on Christmas Eve.  Since my husband and I don't have a lot of money coming in, we all have decided to not get fancy, expensive gifts for each other.  My brother & sister-in-law didn't listen, though and got Frankie and I a brand new computer last year.  Not that I'm complaining.....heck no!  I LOVE our computer!!  :0)  I just felt bad that I couldn't get them something as nice in return.  They are always doing nice things for us.....I can't thank them enough!!  Frankie's folks are like that, too.  God bless them all!!


Alright, I answered the questions honestly and I will add my blog to the linky.  I do hope you all with blogs will participate.  It's fun!!!


I was tickled pink with all the sweet comments I received over my poem and picture yesterday.  So much, in fact, that I will do it again today as a special treat.  We all could use a relaxing picture and poem to unwind after a "manic Monday."  So kick off your shoes, sit back and relax with a nice drink and I hope you enjoy my selected picture and poem for today.

The picture I have selected for today is from our trip to Imperial Beach, CA.  This was right outside our motel room.  It was so nice to hear the lapping of waves while we relaxed in our room.  Too bad we couldn't have left it open overnight.  But with all the weirdos out, that wasn't an option.

The poem I have selected was written my senior year of high school.  I was going out with this guy, whom shall remain somewhat nameless, and I thought he liked me the same as I liked him.  But I knew better when he wanted me to "put out" more than I wanted to. The only thing he saw me as was a sex toy.  It still hurts to this day, and most of my poems written are regarding him and the pain he caused me.  He was my biggest love in school.

You Were Never There      

I never wanted to write this
Nor had I wanted our story to end.
I wanted, needed for it
To go on and on.
When we began
I saw no end.
But as time went on
As it always does,
The pages of our book
Thinned as they were turned.
Now the end has come
And it has gone.
It is time
You were never there.
Even when I could see you,
Touch you,
Your mind was off from me.
You were never there,
Even though you were right beside me.
You could not see me
Even when tears ran down my face.
You went on your way,
Leading me on a dead end road
Breaking my heart so much
Ripping it apart and throwing it away.
I found it without you,
You were never there.
It was lying far from where you are
And you didn't offer to mend it.
I can put the pieces back once again,                    
But it will take time.
I will never forget you
As you are unforgettable.
I may still want you back,
But I can never trust you
To have my heart.
I may wish, long for you
But you will never come to
Wipe the falling tears from my eyes.
I may wish for you near me
But it will never come to be.
You were never there before.
I may somewhere deep down
Still love you,
But I will not call you,
I will not see you,
I will not bother you.
Your love for me had died
As if it has ever lived.
I can call,
But you will never hear me.
You will never come.
I can look beside me
And see you there
But it was a trick my eyes played.
That place is empty-
You were never there
When I needed you most.

To Alex N., 1989

Thank you for reading my poems and liking them.  That means a lot to me.  Hope you are having a great Monday!!!

Until next post,
God bless you all!

Trapped Inside My Skin

Hi, my dear friends!
Can you believe it is already Sunday?  This week has just gone by so quickly.  Thanksgiving is just around the corner and then Christmas.....are we ready for all that?  :0)

My hubby and I started out Sunday with him puking and me a massive case of diarrhea.  Boy, we are high excitement over here!  We know how to live it down!!  The only thing I can think of that set it off was yesterday we had Chinese buffet (I couldn't go due to my leg was just killing me so my hubby brought home mine.  Isn't he sweet?) from one of our very nice friends and it was just one of those meals that keeps on giving.  I should have known because last night I had the heartburn from Hell and had so many Tums I feel like I could take stock in their company!  The heartburn finally went away and I fell asleep and woke up with the diarrhea.  What a day already!!

I just feel "trapped" inside my skin lately.  It is VERY, VERY sensitive to any kind of touch.  And don't even think of touching my shins.  I will let out a primal scream if you do!  They are so sensitive it is painful.  They are one of my fibro trigger points and it never goes away.  I mean, it lessens in sensitivity sometimes, but it's always there.  Hope that makes sense.  I also have the same kind of trigger points on my chest.  When Jack jumps up on the bed to snuggle, he likes to walk across my chest and it's all I can do to not scream.  I hate to push him away, but sometimes when those are really flaring, I have no choice to reposition him farther down my body.  Does anyone else have that kind of "trapped inside" your skin sensation?  It's horrible!  I want out!  Now!

Okay, before I go completely nuts (shut up to those who say I'm already there!) I want to share one of my poems and a pretty picture with you.  Every now and then I like to spruce up the blog by doing that.  I am hardly a poet, so if you don't like it, let me know.  I can make corrections.  Writing has always been an "outlet" for me, especially in those rough years of high school and college.  I've written 200 poems and some rhyme and a lot don't.  I'm one of those that believe that you don't need to rhyme to have a good poem.  Words just flow from your heart and seldom rhyme.  Do you talk in rhyme?  I don't think so!!  So every one of my poems is a masterpiece of my heart.

OK, OK, before I get too sappy, I'll show you the picture first.  It's just something to look at and make you feel calm and relaxed.  Or at least it does me.  I just LOVE the ocean, so I've got zillions of pictures.  My mom would tease me and say, "I believe you have EVERY  wave captured by your camera!"  You know what?  I think she is right!!!  I would take my camera with every time we would go to San Diego for our rheumatologist appointment. We would stop by the ocean and I'd get my pictures.  After all, you CAN'T go to California and NOT see the ocean!  I think there is some law about that....ha!  LOL! The picture I have chosen for today was taken in San Diego on Pacific Beach.  It shows the lifeguard station with a large USA flag billowing in the breeze.

Isn't that pretty? I just adore Mission and Pacific Beaches.  They are so vastly different, what with Pacific Beach having the pier that is actually a motel.  "Sleep Over The Ocean" is written on the side of the pier.  I kept telling Mom and Grandma that we should check into that.  I always got the same answer......"I wish!"  Yeah, it is pretty expensive.  But a girl can dream, right?  :0)  Now for the poem.  Hope you like it!

Only Then Shall I Be Saved

Look down upon me, Lord
See me as you did when I was first born
See me as white as snow-
My gown not a wrinkle to be seen
Look down upon me with love, Lord
For only then shall I be saved.
Oh, I know my slate is not clean
I have sinned today.
But I love you, Lord
And you say you love me
You say you can forgive
And forget.
Look down upon me-
Only then shall I be saved.
I want to feel you again
And live in glory.
I miss you, Lord.
It is I who walked away,
It is I who gave in to hardships,
It is I who have sinned.
It is You who stand before me with open arms;
Arms that are ready to receive me.
Please don't look away,
Like I have done,
But look upon me with love and forgiveness;
Only then shall I be saved.

Hope you enjoyed the new "feature" to my blog.  Every Sunday I'll do this: have a pretty picture and poem for you to enjoy.  I've been getting lots of positive feedback about my pictures.  Thank you, friends, for being so supportive!!  You have a lovely Sunday and relax....for tomorrow is Monday!

God bless you all!
Until next post,

Where Did Tuesday Go?

Boy, oh boy, I can't believe Tuesday is almost over with now.  This week has started out fast!  Has it gone fast for anyone else?  Maybe I'm just nuts with fibro fog....yeah, I think that is it!!  :0)

I took a picture of my beautiful new shower chair. I haven't taken a shower yet, I'm thinking either tonight or definitely tomorrow morning.  Today was a busy day with running out to Frankie's pain specialist appt.  And we picked up a copy of the CD and printed reports of my tests so far for the bariatric specialist.  I took at look at the reports and they didn't get the one where I had BOTH legs scanned for blood clots and it was negative.  If I take the packet in now, it looks like I still have a blood clot and would be eliminated from surgery.  I definitely DON'T want that!  So tomorrow I'll call the imaging place and have them look again for my report on both legs scans.  I know the doctor has it because she read it out loud for me and it confirmed that both legs were FREE from clots...in fact, there is no evidence there to even conclude I ever had clots in my legs!  That's the report I want.  And hopefully I can get it!!

Anyway, back to my shower chair.  I took a few pics of it to show it off.  It will be so nice to take a shower in comfort and not have to brace myself against the shower door or the wall.  That makes it so hard to clean myself!  But with the shower chair, I can sit and even shave my legs.  I'm so excited.....never though I'd be excited over shaving my legs before!!  LOL!

It fits in like it was custom made for the tub.  I thought we would have a hard time finding a shower chair that was durable for a heavy person and small enough to put in the stall.  We have shower doors instead of curtains, so that was an added complication, too.  But it all worked out and I think it looks perfect!!  Gosh, listen to me.  Most people rant on and on about their new house or car.  Me, I rant on and over over a shower chair!  Am I getting OLD?  LOL!!!  We bought this chair at where else.....Active Forever! Check them out, they are the greatest!  Nice & educated staff and reasonable prices.  Their website is: www.activeforever.com.

Well, that pretty much wraps it up for this post.  I'm too tired to do a memory lane trip tonight, so I'll end this post with one of my poems.  Hope that is OK.  You all have a wonderful night.

A Land Where I Live
Just when you think everything is safe and sound
You feel the world at your feet.
Look the other way-where is the happiness you thought you found?
Turn around and see everything is a disaster.
All that you worked for is gone-
Did you really think now you can hear the children's laughter?
Look behind you and hear the bird's singing
Or are they really?
Why would they now-after all today's bringing?
But hang on and don't despair
Maybe things that went wrong will go right-
Even if the things are something nobody can repair.
Or if you can't wait-I have a land.
A land where I live
With a bright ocean and cool sand.
A land where you can never feel blue
And things that are lost, are found.
A land where dreams come true.
Oh, this land that I found
Is so grand and peaceful.
Don't be afraid to just look around.
People are no longer in a hurry
To get to work to pay endless bills-
And away with endless worry
As sweet as a spring day
This is my land-
hear the birds sing and the trees sway.
A land I never have to leave-
I live here
You can too-all you have to do is believe.                                                                                              


I have a land
A land that I live
With a bright ocean and cool sand.
peaceful have a land where I never feel blue;
A land that I live-
Where all my dreams come true.


Hope you have a good night and sleep tight.
Hugs,

62c4d810-2ab6-4f75-b394-bfadfb2c3c7e

1.03.01

Monday Morning Musings

HAPPY COLUMBUS DAY!!

Don't you just LOVE Monday mornings?  The start of a brand new week, with the possibility of brand new problems....er, I mean "challenges."  I'm going to be as positive as I can from now on.  I've been down in the dumps for long enough. This is a pretty important week for me, as I've got that bariatric appointment on Thursday.  From what I hear, it's going to take 2 hours, as I meet the whole team.  I think that is pretty cool.  Pray that the recommendation is for the Lap band instead of the gastric bypass.  I will do whatever the doctor thinks is best for me, but the bypass just scares the crap out of me for some reason.  I'm afraid of getting that "dumping" syndrome that can happen right after you eat.  If you eat too many concentrated carbs or sugar, the stomach empties it out rapidly to the small intestine, which doesn't know what to do with it as it hasn't been digested yet, so you spend the next 30 minutes or so on the pot, sweating and feeling like you are going to pass out.  I've had dumping a few times in my life and let me tell you, it's not fun.  I kept thinking, "please don't let me pass out on the toilet!"  LOL....

That is all that is happening this week.  But, knowing our crazy life and luck, something will come up!  It always does.  I was just poking through the files on the computer and found a really cute cartoon that I have NO clue where it came from or who.  It's too cute NOT to post, so if you are the author of the cartoon, please let me know and I can give you credit or remove it if you so desire.  Here it is:

How true this is!!!  I just love these characters!  You can tell she is not going to give him much sympathy, is she?!  Having fibromyalgia DOES feel like the flu, only it never goes away and there is no vaccination for it, either.  Wouldn't that be nice if there were a vaccination for it? I'd be the first in line!

I woke up very early - at 3am with my nose so stuffed up, I couldn't get any air through it at all.  I hate having to "mouth breathe" because then it dries all out and I have to use lots of chap stick because my lips get dry and cracked, too.  Makes a pretty picture, huh?  Not only that, but my legs were killing me because I fell asleep last night (during watching CSI Miami, my favorite! Damn, I missed the end to it.) and didn't take my 10pm pills, which includes my pain medicine.  So I will definitely be taking a nap after I write this post.  I am so tired, I almost fell asleep on the toilet!

OK, enough of that.  I gave away a few of my "One Lovely Blog Award" to 3 blogs so far.  Two accepted, and I'm waiting on the third.  I will give some more away either tonight or tomorrow.  The two that accepted are:
 "This Is My Fibro"   and  "Life And Fibromyalgia"   Be sure to check out their blogs. They are definitely worthy of the award.  :0)

I'm having so much fun "blog hopping" and I'm meeting so many new and fascinating friends.  I get so involved in reading the many different stories, that I could spend just hours and hours doing it!  But, then, my stupid feet swell if I keep them down too long, so I have to go back to bed and stretch out and they will go down to almost normal.  I take that as a good sign that they are "almost" normal after I've had them up.  Earlier in the summer, they would be just as huge in the morning as at night!

If you love looking at blogs, make sure to sign my linky which is in the right sidebar, by my blog list and followers section. I hope you enjoy "blog hopping" as much as I do.

Alright, that is all I can think of to write about at this time, plus my eyelids are feeling very heavy!!  I'll end this post with one of my poems. I haven't done that in quite awhile.  So here goes:

I Come To You
Every time I feel down and out
I feel I have no friends
I wonder what all this is about
And I feel all my bitter ends.
Never knowing what life may do
I find a place to hide
A place where I never feel blue
A place that's only on the inside.

O Lord, I come to you
With my heavy heart
And troubled spirit- you know just what to do.
Just give me, Oh, give me a brand new start.
Oh, Lord, I know you're so willing to share
I need it soon-I feel so sad.

When all my days are missing the brightness of the sun
And it's your spirit I long to feel
I come to you-I know you are the one
Your spirit is so real.
I come to you for your love
The one that isn't here
The one sweet dreams are made of
I come to you now--please wipe away my tears.




Have a great Monday, everyone!!!
God bless!
Until next post,

Remembering Mom

Hello, my good friends and family!  I hope this post finds you happy and healthy and in NO pain (or, minimal pain! We "fibromytes" know it's nearly impossible to have NO pain.)  I am doing OK, just tired and achy. This summer with my husband's surgery really took it out of me.  And trying to put it back in is like trying to squeeze a fat lady into a girdle!! LOL...  And I know really how hard that is, too, me being way over what I should on the scales!

I've really been extremely nostalgic lately for my mom. I know I talk about her a lot, but she meant a lot to me.  No getting over that.  People would think we were twins or sisters.  Now, I could read that in a good way....my mom looks YOUNGER than her age or I can read it in a bad way....being that I look OLDER than my age!!!  Mom loved it, nonetheless. The picture above is of my mom and I.  I had taken diet pills in the late 1990's for a few years, and lost a lot of weight. Then I had to quit the pills as they were raising my BP too high and the weight just piled back on.  I didn't learn anything when I was taking the pills, so I had no skills to hone in on after I stopped the pills.  This is why that surgery and after-care will be very important for me.  Maybe I can keep the weight off for life!!

I remember the last meal my mom fixed for me.  We were in the extended stay Motel 6 in San Antonio, TX and I was going through the orientation period that lasted two weeks.  Anyway, she fixed us both scrambled eggs (my favorite!), bacon and hash brown potatoes.  She fixed too much and we couldn't finish it all, but I'll always remember that meal as it was the last one I shared with my mom.  I didn't know it then, but when I think about it now, the lesson I learned is to treat every meal as if it were your last. You just don't know!!  The picture above was the last picture ever taken of my mom.  We were still in the motel and she was making funny faces and doing her crossword puzzle books. She loved those!  She probably would KILL ME if she knew I was posting pics of her in her nightgown, but oh well.  I love living on the fine line of danger!!!  As you can see on her left arm, she has a burn mark from when she fell in the parking lot of Walmart, trying to get into the van.  The pavement was so hot, she got little burns like that all over her body.  And it seemed like the ambulance was taking FOREVER!  I knew she had dislocated her artificial hip by the way she was sprawled out on the pavement.

Okay, now I will end my trip down memory lane by ending this post with a poem that I dedicate not only to my mom, but to all those people out there that have lost someone in their life.  May we all find peace in our hearts when we think of loved ones gone forever.

Keep My Memory Alive

Sometimes life is different
Than what we had expected.
Sometimes things turn
Out not the way we had planned,
But we must go on.
We must travel ahead in time.
And sometimes you can't look back,
The memories are still too strong
The time too new.
Sometimes people must leave the road
To travel another.
Or sometimes they have come to the end.
I have come to the end,
But don't be saddened,
For you must come to an end, too.
And I will see you again then.
But now you must travel on
Even though I can't be there
To travel with you.
I can't be there to wipe away your pain
Or be a shoulder to cry on.
But I am in your heart now and forever.
All you have to do is look only a little
And you will find me, waiting.
Waiting to give you my love.
When I left my ended road,
I chose to live in a safer place,
My soul sought out a new home.
And if you wish to feel it in your heart,
It is there,                                         
I am there.
So remember me,
But not with tears;
I am not a sorry and sad person.
Remember me with fondness,
And happiness and laughter,
All of these I had lived for.

Yes, sometimes we must leave
To travel another road.
I have been placed on that road away from you
But someday I will see you there, too.
We will hug, laugh,
And shed tears only of happiness.
Until then,
I want you to look back
And remember me like I was
And with a smile in your heart,
For that is where I am.
Be strong
And go on your road, your life
Living it for all it's worth,
Like I had.
Think of me often
And the times, places, and memories
Buried in your heart and mind.
That you know; and I know
Will keep my memory alive
And in all those who love me.

This is one of my favorite poems that I wrote.  I can see my mom saying those things to me and it gives me comfort.  I hope it does the same for you and the loved ones you have lost and miss so dearly.

The picture above is of my mom, on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, outside of Norfolk, Virginia.  My grandma, mom and I went to Virginia for that intensive speech program for stutterers.  That would be me!  That seminar was so worth it, though.  I lead a more productive life now, knowing that I can say my OWN name in public, or order what I REALLY want to eat, instead of what was the easiest to say.  The life of a stutterer is NOT fun, I tell you that.  But this course was a miracle for me. And we had so much fun driving cross country and having our little "adventures."

Okay, that'll do it for now. I wish you all a blessed week.  I hope you all get everything in life you ever dreamed of.....or at least a close second choice! LOL....

God bless,
Until next post,

Missy

NEVER FORGET

Howdy, everyone!

I couldn't seem to get my act together today and make my post earlier regarding Sept. 11, 2001.  It may be the 12th that you all read this, but please know that I will NEVER forget that awful day 9 years ago.  I remember it vividly, as if no time at all has passed.  I remember my husband waking me up at about 6:30am or so telling me that the World Trade Center was on fire and people were jumping out their windows, at a loss for what else to do.  At first I was peeved.  Why is he waking me up to tell me about some movie he's watching on TV?  He was getting ready to go to work and would watch TV for a spell to "wake up."  He kept telling me it WASN'T a movie, it was REAL.  I remember racing into my parents' bedroom and waking up my mom and telling her.  She had the same reaction as me at first, until it clicked in her brain that it was real.  She was on her feet as fast as she could go (she had arthritis and Lupus) and went out to the big TV in the living room and clicked on CNN.  And there is was....the twin towers all aflame and falling to the ground into a pile of rubble.

Nobody was the same again.  Even still, we remember and are very security-oriented these days.  Unfortunately, you have to be.  You can't even walk your loved ones back to the boarding area in an airport, to catch their plane.  We would always say a rushed good-bye at security check-point when my grandma would fly to Texas for Christmas.  In later years, we'd just drop her and her luggage out front and she would check in by herself because security would be all beefed up.  I remember her saying they confiscated her expensive body lotion.  My mom said, "What? Did they they think ma was going to lotion the pilots down?"  It's a sad state of affairs the lengths we go today to remain safe.

Anyway, it's getting late and my vision is so blurry tonight.  I'm just tired....and I've had 2 naps today!!  My muscles feel tight and my joints stiff.  I'm just gonna go to bed and forget about everything.....if I can!!!

Before I go, I'll insert one of my poems that I wrote in high school (back in the 80's.)  The results of my poll show you guys like my poems, so here one is!  And thank you!!!


It’s Okay To Cry

Just let the tears fall,
Empty your heart of all life's burdens
Cry, cry...
For love
For hurt
Or "my best friend is gone"
Or "I love you"
Soon you will find you are
Happy and you can go on
With life
And when it happens again...
It's okay to cry-
Believe me...I know.

God bless you all!
Until next post,
Missy

62c4d810-2ab6-4f75-b394-bfadfb2c3c7e

1.03.01

No News Is....No News

Howdy, friends!

Well, it's been almost one week since Frankie has been home from the hospital.  It's soooo good to have him home! And he is finally beginning to heal and catch up on much needed sleep.  You just can't sleep in hospitals...I've worked in and been a patient in a hospital and with all the blood pressure readings and lab coming in at 3am to get blood...how can ANYONE rest with all the activity? 

Frankie had his CT scan on Thursday; he could finally take the contrast and keep it down.  No nausea or vomiting with it, either.  It was fruit punch in color, but he said it tasted like crap and was glad to get the three cups down.  I told him, (because he hates fruit) he would drink contrast that was "fruit flavored" but he wouldn't want to try the real thing with a real glass of fruit juice.  It's good!!!  I just don't get how someone can pass over a whole food group like he does with fruits!   Anyway, we haven't heard a thing from either the surgeon or the oncologist about the CT results.  So I figure everything is OK or someone would be on the horn with us!!

Frankie's home visits with the nurse are coming a long very well. I really like Tim. He is so funny and puts you right at ease.  He never seems rushed and we can ask questions and he always gives us a complete answer. He doesn't even answer his cell phone when he is with a client. He has voice mail that he uses when he is between visits, then he can call back whomever called while he was with us.  He gave me a whole bunch of dressing supplies in case the gauze dressing comes off from showering or whatever- I can just change it and not have to bother him and have to come back for a simple dressing change.  The fluid is getting less and less and it irrigates well. No clots in the tubing, thank goodness!  I suspect that Frankie will be losing the drain this coming week.  That would be so nice, as Frankie has had a period of depression with everything that went on.  The poor guy went through quite an ordeal - who wouldn't be a little depressed?  I figured that driving again would cheer him up and it did.  So I turned the driving back over to my hubby, the cab driver! LOL!  And not a moment too soon!

I think the driving is what really has my leg in an uproar.  It hurts so bad and all the time, it's driving me nuts.  I've increased my magnesium, hoping that would help. And I'm using my myoflex cream and polar frost gel like it's going out of style.  They all help a little, but not too much.  Last night I could finally use my TENS unit again, the rash on my back has totally cleared up.  This time, I tried a new experiment and just put the electrodes on as is-with NO conductive gel.  And so far, so good. NO rashes or itchy skin....yet.  Wouldn't be nice if that's all that rash was, just an irritation from the conductive gel? And I have to say, the unit works even better without the gel!

I am in such flare-up from everything that has happened. No surprise there.  The daily drill of going to the hospital, finding a parking space within a 5 mile radius, getting the walker out and plodding up to the room for 30 days plus can really wear a person out!!  But I love my hubby dearly and he is worth every visit I paid him and more.  I would do it all again if need be, but hopefully NOT anytime too soon!!  Frankie definitely would like that too!!

Nothing much else to report. It's been so hot here, they have an "excessive heat warning" on until Monday.  Temps up to 115 expected.  Luckily, we don't have much planned for the coming week, except for my podiatrist appt on Thursday for an ingrown toenail.  I'm also diabetic and it's time for my yearly foot check, too.  Oh, joy, oh bliss!  The more one can stay inside during this weather, the better.  You could fry an egg on the roof of your car!  I keep reminding myself, "I live here because the winters are beautiful. No snow, no ice."  And it works...especially if I'm in front of a nice big fan with air conditioning pouring down on me!

It's been awhile since I've put a poem in my post, so I will do that this time. I hope you enjoy it.  All poems are the creations of my imagination and completely original.  :0)

I See A Jesus                       

When I look
At the picture on my wall
I see a Jesus in a way
I've always imagined.
I see a Jesus with a carefree smile
And eyes that say "I love you".
I see a Jesus
With a ready-to-go look
A look that doesn't suggest tiredness,
A look that doesn't suggest hate.
I love that old picture
On the wall and
I look to it when feeling low
And I just need a friend.
I look to it when I want to feel love.
Or when I feel the need to forgive.
I look to that picture on my wall
And know that the same picture
Is engraved in my soul.
And it's the same Jesus
I've always imagined.

The picture this poem is referring to is a picture of Jesus my mom got at the county fair when I was still in high school.  She loved that picture (we all did) and hung it up in every apartment we moved to.  That picture, unfortunately, is in San Antonio, home of the rest of our stuff that we need to save money for to bring back to Arizona.  Hopefully by the winter we can do that, when the rental trucks aren't too expensive.  I'd rather move that stuff when it's cooler out anyway.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and coming week. 

Love ya all!

Until next post,

Missy

Oh, I added a photo slideshow below.  A lot of the pictures are of my mom & dad. I miss them so!  Even with all we've been through, I still love them with all my heart and I miss the good times we had.  So these pictures show the good times.  :0)

NIGHTMARE

If I had only one word I could use to sum up the last two days, it would definitely be NIGHTMARE.  What should have been the happiest day (or one of them, at least!) of our life has turned into one living nightmare.  My husband was released from the hospital July 27th after a one month plus hospital stay after having surgery to remove an arterio-venous malformation in his intestine.  As you all know, he ran into many complications, hence the lengthy hospital stay.  Well, on the day of his release, his blood pressure was very low. I'm talking in the toilet low. The nurse had him lay, sit and stand while she took various blood pressures and the good news was there wasn't too much of a change when he changed positions. The bad news remained that his pressure just was too low.  The nurse stated she would hold his Lopressor (a beta-blocker for the heart that lowers pulse and blood pressure) and see what happens.  He was placed on it in the first place because he has chronic atrial fibrillation and was taking Atenolol at home, but they changed it to this Lopressor because his heart rate during hospitalization was in the 130's. Normal is 60-100 for adults.  His blood pressure range was 80's/40's and normal for adults is 130/80.  So you can see where I was very worried over his numbers.  But, the hospital wasn't too concerned and sent him home anyway. I just thought we'd pump him full of liquids, feed him well and hold any kind of blood pressure medication.  I don't care that his discharge instructions said to take them!!

He was OK that night, and slept most of the night.  I couldn't sleep, I was too busy worrying about my husband.  He's such a trooper, I've been taking his blood pressure so much you can see the cuff indentation in his wrist...I have one of those units that fits on your wrist and takes the pressure that way. Very nice unit.  The following day, the 28th, started out with a bang and ended that way, too.  My husband had taken his Gleevec (cancer med) by mistake on an empty stomach so a few hours later, he's in the bathroom praying to the porcelin god!  He threw up so much, I think it was coming clear down from his toes.  He vomited about three separate times and then that stopped in the afternoon.  Whew, we thought, that is over. No more taking the Gleevec on an empty stomach! He just was confused, I think, and fatigued after being in the hospital for so long.  So I'm "helping" him with dispensing his medications for awhile until he gets back to "normal."  He knew better than to take that Gleevec on an empty stomach, he's only been taking it the past 7 years!

We get through the early evening OK and then BAM! He starts shaking and having severe chills. I check his temp and it's 101.4.  He also was draining quite a bit from his JP drain in his abdomen.  The area didn't look infected or feel warm.  This temp had to be coming from somewhere!  And then his BP got really low again.  My mother-in-law and I were up all night with him, stuffing him full of gatorade (which he hates but needed because of the electrolytes), sandwiches, water, milk, soda and anything we could think of to help get his blood pressure up and circulating inside his body.  By 10am this morning, his blood pressure was 71/45 and we had done all we could.  The ibuprofen I gave him for his fever worked and his temp was 97.3.  It was hospital time, though, with that blood pressure.  So I packaged everything up-my blue bag that I had received from the hospital when Frankie was very first admitted because I was his PAL, which is a program where patients can choose one person to act as his liason and stay with him for as long as needed to comfort him. I even received a pin and a discount in the cafe and cafeteria in the hospital.  Anyway, I put my book in there, a few sandwiches and drinks for us as you just never know how long you will be sitting there!  I've been to a lot of ER's where you wait a good four hours to even be seen!  So I came prepared!

We get down to the ER and everyone was so incredibly sweet there. We had only a 10 to 15 minute wait and he was taken back to a room and they started an IV to give him fluids and he also had labs and blood and urine cultures taken.  He also had an X-ray of his stomach and pelvis because last night, he was so dizzy, he fell in our carpeted hallway and got a nasty abrasion to his left arm. No other injuries that we could see outwardly, anyway.  And he didn't hurt his head with the fall. I did tell the doctor about the fall, though, so she could examine my hubby more thoroughly, especially his head.  But lo and behold, all the tests and X-rays came back as normal and they were shipping him home with a prescription for an antibiotic (Augmentin) and with the instructions to get a hold of his surgeon tomorrow.  His BP when we left was a whopping 93/47.  I guess that's the new norm now as I couldn't get anyone else excited about it except for me and my husband!

When we were going to the car, the wind really started to whip up and we were getting some major monsoon activity going on.  I DID pray for rain, but not NOW! I wanted to be at home when the skies opened up and water poured down from the clouds above!  But no, we were pounded with rain all the way to the pharmacy and then to home.  Frankie said he was feeling better and ate a good meal of soup and English muffins  with raisons. Then he went and laid on the bed for awhile until it was his turn to use the computer (we share a desktop).  He was doing OK until just a little bit ago when he came into the bedroom just shaking again. This time he had no high temp, it was 97.8. I gave him some ibuprofen just in case it was trying to creep up.  I wasn't crazy enough to do a BP....I just couldn't bear anymore bad news at this point!!!!

I am just so frazzled and frustrated and aggravated. Why us all the time? Why can't we have a normal life where you go in for surgery and come out the same week with NO complications?  My mom was like this, too. All her surgeries ended in post-op infections that led to further surgeries and extreme pain.  Just once....just once I'd like NO complications after EVERYTHING we do!!!  ARGHHHHHHHHHH!

There, I feel better with getting that off my chest. I feel like crap myself. I'm so exhausted that I'm BEYOND sleep. I feel like I've got my candle lit at both ends that are fast approaching the middle of the candle!!  I find myself being short-tempered and irritable at anything and everybody.  My joints are on fire and my muscles are stretched beyond their limits.  I've had to take more medication than I'd like just to get at least a few hours of sleep. I just don't know what to do anymore and that is such a helpless feeling!!  So I continue praying to God that He will help us all through this rough patch.

Frankie is still sleeping, so I guess that's a good sign. No more shaking, so the ibuprofen must have helped.  I started making all his post-op appointments, August is slowly booking up and we haven't even ended July yet!  Thank God we have a car now. I remember this time LAST year when we had no car and had to shoot across town to our appointments in a taxi paid for by our health insurance.  I'm grateful, of course, they covered that.  But nothing is better than having your own set of wheels and we are so in love with the car we selected. My husband found it off of Craig's list and just at the right time.  It's a 2000 Toyota Camry, but it was taken such good care of that it looks and runs brand new.  It's a comfortable riding car and you don't feel every bump in the road.  I like that, as I don't like cars that you can feel every joint-jabbing bump in the road!!

Okay, I'm gonna end this post and go check on Frankie.  Thank you for letting me rant and rave for awhile.  It did help and I feel a lot better, just getting my feelings out on paper.  I think that's why I love writing so much. I'll end this post with another one of my poems written long ago. Hope you enjoy!  Have a blessed weekend!!

Until next post,
Missy

Along The Road

Floating so freely
With not a care
Across the road and it's gone
Not paying attention to what's fair.
It doesn't matter
It just leaves
Not turning to hear senseless chatter.
It makes not one friend
For it never stays
It had no beginning so how can it have an end?
It moves from place to place,
A drifter-and a proud one
An art done well,
An art done with grace.
Floating so freely, not carrying one load-
It loves life, for it doesn't
Have to live it.
It drifts along,
This leaf hurrying along the road.

Wet Stuff

Hello, everyone!!

Guess what?  We actually got the wet stuff today.....RAIN!!!  Yippeee!  I 

think I heard on the radio or TV that we hadn't had rain in 85 days. I believe it, too.  The desert is probably just sucking it down right now as we speak. Of course this rain had to happen as I was leaving the hospital tonight after visiting my husband. The black clouds were starting to roll in this evening, so unfortunately I had to cut my visit short with my husband. I hated to leave, but I hadn't driven in rain too awfully much and didn't want to be caught in a sudden down pour.  Come to find out, I was caught in it anyway on the freeway, but I survived!!!  Poor Flagstaff, though, has had its share of inclement weather recently.  Now they are battling with mudslides and severe storms over that part of the state.  


My hubby is doing about the same, maybe a bit more depressed. Today marks a month in the hospital. I'd be depressed, too!  He's been poked, prodded and stuck with every kind of tube or test imaginable and we still can't find out why his intestines are taking a long hibernation.  He still has more gastric output than we would like and the drain he had placed in his abdomen to drain the hematoma is still draining dark bloody fluid into the collection bag.  Poor guy- for him to take a walk, he has to call the nurse and she comes and unplugs him from the NG suction, then because they only have one size of PJ bottoms (x-large) he has to hold his pants up with one hand and steer the IV pole with the other hand. He makes quite the picture!!  Tonight, though, his dad brought in the PJ bottoms from home and he immediately changed into those and was happier.  


The doctors are thinking about taking the drain out tomorrow or over the weekend and starting him again on clear liquids and see what happens. As they say, it's a "wait and see game."  Well, my husband (and we all) are tired of playing!!!!  That's all the Frankie news.  No talk of going home yet. Of course he still has some major things to work out first before even thinking about home and that is he has to be able to eat AND keep it down. That would be helpful!!!  We'll just see what this weekend brings. Hopefully it will be better than last weekend.  


I'm holding up OK. I've got a horrible rash on my butt from my TENS electrodes.  I sweat a lot and I think the electrodes and my sweat mixed to create a brilliant red, itchy and very irritated rash over where the electrodes were.  So I'm using lotion on that to soothe and heal it up.  I washed the area really good and then used this thick lotion for itchiness and irritation.  I had to place my electrodes up really high on my back and I have mixed feelings if it will work or not. But I can't put it on the rash, so I'll make due until it heals.  What else will happen to me?  Oh, yeah...my feet are so big and puffy, I can't even bend my toes.  So after I put a dot for a period at the last sentence of this post, I'm going to bed.  I'm so exhausted!!


As promised, I picked out a poem that I wrote as a creative writing assignment in high school my senior year.  My creative writing teacher, Mr. Holt, just LOVED it and it was published in the creative writing magazine that the school published once a year, I think.  I hope you like it!
  
Rain Song      

I.I always used to love rain
The steady beating like soft drums on the rooftop
I would look outside and see a spider
Clinging to my ripped screen.
I only saw him on rainy days.

II.I met Alex on a sunny day.
He wore a long-sleeved shirt and bugle boy pants
The black material hanging softly from his bulging muscles
He leaned against the landlord's rusted blue Toyota
And asked me my name.

III.Another sunny day.
Alex invited me back to his house
And we watched TV.
I don't even remember what was on
Some western, or maybe the "Twilight Zone".
The TV went fuzzy and Dave, Alex's friend, tried to fix it.
"Work, you worthless piece of shit!" He yelled,
Throwing the antenna across the room.
It landed behind his box of dirty magazines.

IV.The late afternoon sun sparkled on the waves like gold
Another beautiful day ending as Alex and I
Silently walked on the deserted beach.
We watched the sun drop lower and lower into the lake
Till it was out of sight.
We crossed the railroad tracks and I got the heel
Of my brand new sandals caught.
Alex and I tried to save it                              
But the heel was already broken.

V.First things I noticed when I walked outside
Were the clouds--big, gray and threatening.
Alex was restless that day.
We talked of nothing--just sat in his room
And watched the rain start,
It's pit-pat drumming softly on the roof.

VI.Still raining.
We stayed inside and hovered together for warmth.
Alex was silent
And I asked him what was wrong.
He looked at me with those brown eyes
And for a moment I thought he would tell me.
The moment passed.
"Nothing" he said.

VII.Next day, the rain was the hardest I'd ever seen,
Making mini lakes on the ground.
I stepped over them on my way to Alex's.
I got there and his friend Dave greeted me.
"Alex is gone".
"Where?"
"I don't know".

VIII.The rain blended into a light drizzle after awhile.
I sat in my room and waited.
Waited for what, I don't know.
Little droplets of rain splattered on the window.
I went to bed early.

IX.I hate rain                                          
The steady pounding is like loud drums at a disco.
I looked outside to find the spider clinging to my screen
On this dismal day,
On a day everything was wrong
The spider was gone too.

To Alejandro N. Ramos
1988

Alejandro was the Mexican guy I met in my junior year and I fell hard for him. I wrote a lot of poems about him during my senior year after he left me without even saying good bye.  Big jerk!!!  I'm soooo over him NOW!!  But looking back over these poems brings back a lot of memories for me and makes me think, boy, times were sure simple back then! When all I had to worry about was boys, instead of fibro and making sure I got enough sleep and I take my medications, Frankie's cancer, ect.  I'm sure we all feel like that when we think back to our childhood.  How simple things were way back when.


Have a good weekend, everybody.  I'll keep ya posted on what happens with Frankie.  Wish us luck and perhaps a miracle! We could sure use one about now!!


Big hugs,
Until next post,
Missy

62c4d810-2ab6-4f75-b394-bfadfb2c3c7e

1.03.01

Quick Sand

Howdy, friends!
The tests that Frankie had a few days ago show that he has a partial small intestinal obstruction.  The doctor yesterday explained that SOME of the stomach contents and contrast he's ingested are getting down into the small intestine, but a lot are still remaining in his stomach.  Too bad we can't get him some industrial strength drain-o or something! (LOL!)  He's had to have the NG tube replaced three times so far because they keep "coming out." The first time was in radiology - and remembering back to my nursing days, I'd send a patient down with a patent IV and they'd return to me with either it being clogged or out altogether!-and the other two times Frankie accidently dislodged it.  Or I THINK it was an accident! Frankie has been "out of it" the past two days due to them giving him Ativan. That really knocked him for a loop.  Who would have thought that he could take a pain med FOUR times the strength of Morphine and not have a problem and then take an anti-anxiety med like Ativan, the smallest dose, and have it affect him like it did!  Luckily the doctor discontinued it yesterday and I just got a call from my husband, the first one in two days, and he finally is starting to sound more like himself and not as foggy.

I feel so bad for the guy. He's depressed. I'm depressed. My mother-in-law is depressed. We all are! It's like we are walking in quick sand and the more we push to get through it, the more it sucks us down within.  I think they should name a wing after Frankie at the hospital.  I've been there so many times, the car could drive itself there now.  With how tired and worn out I've been, I think it HAS taken me there by itself...LOL!  The only "cure" for small intestinal obstruction is to walk, walk, walk and time to resolve itself.  So his mom and I are drill sargeants and when we get there, his feet are poundin' the pavement, so to speak. He needs LOTS of motivation and we have been pushing him all the way.  I think he was using the Ativan as a way to "escape" this world he's been plunged in. Can't say I blame him, but the Ativan made him so drowsy, he couldn't walk. And we can't have that. I want him home...preferably some time in my life time!

My fibro has been absolutely horrible. ALL my trigger points are triggering! There is not ONE part of me that doesn't either ache or throb. I've got this problem with my big toe on my right foot where it just throbs and is kind of red. It rubs against the other toe. I showed it to the doctor yesterday at my appointment (and I had to go alone, no hubby :( ) and she said it wasn't infected, so I'm just leaving my shoes off at the hospital and going around in just my socks.  I have a bundle of nerves on the top of the same foot that when the shoe hits that, it hurts like heck!  I even had to get a larger sized shoe to fit my big feet in due to the swelling that I still have and nobody knows how to get rid of.

I visited my favorite physical therapy store- Active Forever- www.activeforever.com and purchased a pillow for my neck that is absolutely wonderful. It's shaped like a horseshoe and craddles my neck and shoulders. I also got a body wrap that goes over my shoulders and you can have it either hot or cold - I chose cold as that helps when the temps are up to 115 degrees outside- no kidding about that, either, that is our high expected for today!  I don't really want some hot thing draped over my shoulders! But the cold feels sooooo good!  Check out the link above. They have all kinds of stuff for pain and fibromyalgia and all at reasonable prices.  They REALLY should give me commission, don't ya think?  That is also where my TENS machine came from and where I get my electrodes. One stop shopping! Gotta love it!  So now when I go to bed, it's a therapeutic experience- with my wedge pillow that goes under my legs and elevates them, my neck pillow and my ice packs.  When I wake up in the morning, my wedge pillow is usually to the side of me, my neck pillow stays properly in place and my ice packs on the floor!  So I do manage to toss a little bit in the night, which is probably why I wake up very stiff and have a lot of pain in my back and legs. I need to come up with some way to strap my legs to the pillow wedge to keep them from moving!!  LOL!

Alrighty, that is it from my corner of the world. To end this post, I've chosen another poem from my high school years poem archives. Hope you like it.

A Road Called Life

I have prepared forever,
As long as I can remember
For the road that is ahead of me.
I have been experienced
Through past experiences
And I have been
Through enough of life's ups and downs
To be able to handle the real thing.
I wake up today
And it is time.
I am no longer "too young,"
But a mature adult
That must travel down that road.
I stop momentarily before getting up.
Some don't make it down the road,
But I will try.
I smile and get ready
To walk on that road.
I am ready
And I walk to the door that leads out.
My hand on the knob,
I stop.
My feelings all surface now,
Pleading me to stop.
To stay in my safe place
To remain sheltered a little longer.
They are so strong
What if I fail?
What if I lose?
I can't answer these yet
Because experience hasn't taught me
The answers.
With my second wind,
I think again.
I will try my hardest
And if I fail
It won't be because I haven't tried.
With that strength,
I open the door.
Talking a deep breath,
I begin down a road called life
And it's scary as Hell.

Around And Around We Go....

Goodbye My Friend 

I watched you come with the beauty & grace,

As a young lion on new territory.

I knew you those early days when you knew not a soul.

I came into your life as you came into mine,

Adding something we both never felt before,

Adding new dimensions, new horizons, new love.

I felt your kiss in those early days

As you felt my embrace those last final hours

   we had together.

I don't know what you think now,

But I hope it is good--I hope you really loved me.

I hope you don't think I'm a thing of the past or

   that I will forget you.

Oh, in time, maybe the pain of losing you will fade,

But I'll never forget you.

When I look back now,

I realize I didn't say all I wanted to.

Maybe it's not really goodbye and maybe you'll be back.

But there's just one thing I must say just in

   case I never see you again.

"Adios, Amigos."  "Te diso, te amo." 

Howdy, friends!

As promised, I've included one of my poems from my collection of all original poems written by yours truly.  The poem above was about one of my very first loves in high school, a Mexican guy that my best friend and I met outside a grocery store in Michigan in August of 1988.  I really struck it off with this guy, which now is HYSTERICAL as I didn't know Spanish and his English wasn't too spiffy.  Makes me wonder what we ever talked about. We did a lot of hand gesturing, almost like he was deaf instead of Spanish speaking. I vowed then and there to learn Spanish, but for one reason or another, I never did. Not even when I was working in Yuma as a nurse did I learn it. And I could have definitely used it then!!!  Anyway, Alejandro was a thing of the past as when my senior year started that year, he and his buddies moved on and left me in the dust without even saying goodbye. I just went to this rented house one day and was greeted by one of his friends saying he went to Texas.  My first official heart break!  I wrote a lot of poems about Alejandro, as he WAS my first love.  I hope you enjoy the little poems I tack on my posts.

Okay, now present life awaits. Frankie is no better, I'm afraid to report.  He still is retaining A LOT of stomach contents, it just isn't going down into his small intestine the way it should. Yesterday he had a whole bunch of x-rays as part of a series called a "small bowel follow-through." They are looking for any kind of blockages by having him drink more yummy contrast and seeing how far it goes down into the small intestine.  We don't know the results of the test yet, but as soon as I do, I'll let everyone know.  His NG tube accidently came out in radiology and he had to have it replaced due to the high amount of stomach contents coming out of it yesterday. I don't know if you ever have had a NG tube inserted, but let me tell you, it is NOT fun. They gave him some Ativan first to help keep him calm during the insertion.  I just feel so badly for him!!!  If I could take any of this on myself for him, I would in a heartbeat.  After all, what's ONE more problem for me?  I just hate seeing him suffer so. There just has to be an end to this!  What turned into a simple tumor removal has evolved into a full-blown nightmare. I feel like we are on a merry-go-round we can never get off of!  I'm just feeling very desperate and depressed, as is Frankie.  He's been such a great patient and gets out walking several times a day now without too much prompting.  He still won't sit in the chair too long as it puts pressure on his abdominal incision, but a least he is walking and still passing gas.  So please pray for him that this whole nightmare will end soon.  I really appreciate it!  

I'm holding up OK. My mother-in-law and I are very tired as we both haven't been sleeping too well at night. My fibro is in flare-up and her RA is in flare-up. No doubt as to the reasons why!  But we keep on going, day after day after day. Frankie sure does appreciate our visits and we enjoy seeing him, since it's the ONLY thing we can do for him at this point.

My fibro is in full-blown flare-up and I've got all the symptoms I just love back: unrestful sleep, fogginess, my muscles spasm and ache and all my tender points are tender! VERY much so.  I waddle up to the hospital with my walker like I'm a hundred years old.  I just want things to be OK and back to normal soon.  Please God, is that too much to ask?

Hope you all are doing OK and please have as pain-free week as you can. I will try and do the same.  

God bless,

Until next post,

Missy