No News Is....No News

Howdy, friends!

Well, it's been almost one week since Frankie has been home from the hospital.  It's soooo good to have him home! And he is finally beginning to heal and catch up on much needed sleep.  You just can't sleep in hospitals...I've worked in and been a patient in a hospital and with all the blood pressure readings and lab coming in at 3am to get blood...how can ANYONE rest with all the activity? 

Frankie had his CT scan on Thursday; he could finally take the contrast and keep it down.  No nausea or vomiting with it, either.  It was fruit punch in color, but he said it tasted like crap and was glad to get the three cups down.  I told him, (because he hates fruit) he would drink contrast that was "fruit flavored" but he wouldn't want to try the real thing with a real glass of fruit juice.  It's good!!!  I just don't get how someone can pass over a whole food group like he does with fruits!   Anyway, we haven't heard a thing from either the surgeon or the oncologist about the CT results.  So I figure everything is OK or someone would be on the horn with us!!

Frankie's home visits with the nurse are coming a long very well. I really like Tim. He is so funny and puts you right at ease.  He never seems rushed and we can ask questions and he always gives us a complete answer. He doesn't even answer his cell phone when he is with a client. He has voice mail that he uses when he is between visits, then he can call back whomever called while he was with us.  He gave me a whole bunch of dressing supplies in case the gauze dressing comes off from showering or whatever- I can just change it and not have to bother him and have to come back for a simple dressing change.  The fluid is getting less and less and it irrigates well. No clots in the tubing, thank goodness!  I suspect that Frankie will be losing the drain this coming week.  That would be so nice, as Frankie has had a period of depression with everything that went on.  The poor guy went through quite an ordeal - who wouldn't be a little depressed?  I figured that driving again would cheer him up and it did.  So I turned the driving back over to my hubby, the cab driver! LOL!  And not a moment too soon!

I think the driving is what really has my leg in an uproar.  It hurts so bad and all the time, it's driving me nuts.  I've increased my magnesium, hoping that would help. And I'm using my myoflex cream and polar frost gel like it's going out of style.  They all help a little, but not too much.  Last night I could finally use my TENS unit again, the rash on my back has totally cleared up.  This time, I tried a new experiment and just put the electrodes on as is-with NO conductive gel.  And so far, so good. NO rashes or itchy skin....yet.  Wouldn't be nice if that's all that rash was, just an irritation from the conductive gel? And I have to say, the unit works even better without the gel!

I am in such flare-up from everything that has happened. No surprise there.  The daily drill of going to the hospital, finding a parking space within a 5 mile radius, getting the walker out and plodding up to the room for 30 days plus can really wear a person out!!  But I love my hubby dearly and he is worth every visit I paid him and more.  I would do it all again if need be, but hopefully NOT anytime too soon!!  Frankie definitely would like that too!!

Nothing much else to report. It's been so hot here, they have an "excessive heat warning" on until Monday.  Temps up to 115 expected.  Luckily, we don't have much planned for the coming week, except for my podiatrist appt on Thursday for an ingrown toenail.  I'm also diabetic and it's time for my yearly foot check, too.  Oh, joy, oh bliss!  The more one can stay inside during this weather, the better.  You could fry an egg on the roof of your car!  I keep reminding myself, "I live here because the winters are beautiful. No snow, no ice."  And it works...especially if I'm in front of a nice big fan with air conditioning pouring down on me!

It's been awhile since I've put a poem in my post, so I will do that this time. I hope you enjoy it.  All poems are the creations of my imagination and completely original.  :0)

I See A Jesus                       

When I look
At the picture on my wall
I see a Jesus in a way
I've always imagined.
I see a Jesus with a carefree smile
And eyes that say "I love you".
I see a Jesus
With a ready-to-go look
A look that doesn't suggest tiredness,
A look that doesn't suggest hate.
I love that old picture
On the wall and
I look to it when feeling low
And I just need a friend.
I look to it when I want to feel love.
Or when I feel the need to forgive.
I look to that picture on my wall
And know that the same picture
Is engraved in my soul.
And it's the same Jesus
I've always imagined.

The picture this poem is referring to is a picture of Jesus my mom got at the county fair when I was still in high school.  She loved that picture (we all did) and hung it up in every apartment we moved to.  That picture, unfortunately, is in San Antonio, home of the rest of our stuff that we need to save money for to bring back to Arizona.  Hopefully by the winter we can do that, when the rental trucks aren't too expensive.  I'd rather move that stuff when it's cooler out anyway.

Hope everyone has a good weekend and coming week. 

Love ya all!

Until next post,

Missy

Oh, I added a photo slideshow below.  A lot of the pictures are of my mom & dad. I miss them so!  Even with all we've been through, I still love them with all my heart and I miss the good times we had.  So these pictures show the good times.  :0)

So Far, So Good!

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Hope it's been a good one for you.  As the post title says, so far, so good with my hubby!  We've found a solution that has worked the past few mornings for his nausea in the mornings. You'll never believe this, but it's chicken broth with saltine crackers!  And he has his cereal and milk for lunch.  Isn't that a scream?  He did vomit a little last night, but nothing like he used to. So that means that his stomach is NOT retaining its contents and the intestines are finally doing their job.  Thank the Heavens above!!  All those LONG days in the hospital are finally paying off.  That and the Jackson-Pratt drain he has connected has made a big improvement, since the hematoma inside the intestine has a someplace to drain instead of inside his stomach and creating another bowel obstruction, because the fluid can't go past the hematoma.  I sure do hope that sucker is getting smaller by now.  We'll know more when he has the CT scan on Wednesday.

Frankie has been so incredibly tired and sleepy lately. He hasn't even fought me for the computer or to drive the car!  He says he will drive again when his drain is out.  He hates going out in public with that thing hanging down and I don't blame him. I wouldn't want to go out with a bulb containing bodily fluid dangling down either!!!  I think he is so tired because he didn't sleep very well in the hospital and now is "pay-back time" AND because he is anemic.  I brought that up with his primary care doctor and he said he would leave that issue up to his oncologist, which we see on Monday.  Doctors! They are so darned specialized now they have you going here and there for different things.  So I will bring it up with the oncologist, then, on Monday.  We've started him (and me) out on Super Complex vitamin B and sublingual vitamin B supplements to build immunity and energy.  It's too soon to tell, but I think I'm starting to feel a tiny bit energetic.  Not too much, yet, though.....I don't feel like climbing up to the roof of the house or anything..geez, doesn't that make a hysterical image in your mind???  Hehehe!

I've been hanging in there.  Now that things are starting to level out for Frankie, it's all starting to hit me now.  All the long days in the hospital with him, doing errands, lugging my walker in and out of the trunk and all the long nights without Frankie and all the worry.....it's all catching up with me and putting me into quite a flare.  My back has been just horrible.  And to make matters worse, I can't use my TENS too much on it because my sweat mixes with the conductive gel I use and has created an itchy rash on my whole backside!  I've been just clawing at my self and I can't help it, it itches so bad!  So I've been using this expensive cream my dear sister gave me and that helps the itch and brings it down to a dull roar.  So how I'm working the TENS is by placing the electrodes high up on my back where there is NO rash and it's been working OK.

My legs have been pretty bad, too.  They feel like Jell-o when I stand and are weak and painful with cramps.  I've upped my Magnesium supplement with some relief.  I also use my "Myoflex" cream on it and that really helps.  But with all the driving I've been doing, it's no wonder my right leg (the one I work the accelerator with) is more sore than the left.  Stop lights are the killers for me, especially those that seem to be painted red.  My leg will cramp up if the light is too long, so I have to rub out the cramp with my hand until the light turns green.  I tell ya, it sucks to be me sometimes!!!

I don't know if I mentioned this previously-and if I have-please forgive me! We'll blame it on "fibro fog."  I signed up for the August 24th seminar for the lap-band procedure.  My hubby is far along in his recovery that we can move ahead and I am sooooo ready!  I'm so tired of laying on my back all the time.  I'm hoping that just the fact of losing a lot of weight will help my back so much it won't need surgery!  Wouldn't that be nice?  I really don't want surgery on my back, but I'll do it if I must just to get back to work and my life again.  After the seminar, I'll make an appointment with the bariatric surgeon and go from there.  Please pray my insurance will cover this.  I hope, I hope, I hope!!!!

Well, that's the news from our neck of the woods. Hope your neck of the woods is doing OK, too.  Thank you for everything...for your thoughts, prayers, well wishes, comments.....your friendship and reading my blog!!  I appreciate it ALL!!

God bless ya,
Until next post,
Missy

Wet Stuff

Hello, everyone!!

Guess what?  We actually got the wet stuff today.....RAIN!!!  Yippeee!  I 

think I heard on the radio or TV that we hadn't had rain in 85 days. I believe it, too.  The desert is probably just sucking it down right now as we speak. Of course this rain had to happen as I was leaving the hospital tonight after visiting my husband. The black clouds were starting to roll in this evening, so unfortunately I had to cut my visit short with my husband. I hated to leave, but I hadn't driven in rain too awfully much and didn't want to be caught in a sudden down pour.  Come to find out, I was caught in it anyway on the freeway, but I survived!!!  Poor Flagstaff, though, has had its share of inclement weather recently.  Now they are battling with mudslides and severe storms over that part of the state.  


My hubby is doing about the same, maybe a bit more depressed. Today marks a month in the hospital. I'd be depressed, too!  He's been poked, prodded and stuck with every kind of tube or test imaginable and we still can't find out why his intestines are taking a long hibernation.  He still has more gastric output than we would like and the drain he had placed in his abdomen to drain the hematoma is still draining dark bloody fluid into the collection bag.  Poor guy- for him to take a walk, he has to call the nurse and she comes and unplugs him from the NG suction, then because they only have one size of PJ bottoms (x-large) he has to hold his pants up with one hand and steer the IV pole with the other hand. He makes quite the picture!!  Tonight, though, his dad brought in the PJ bottoms from home and he immediately changed into those and was happier.  


The doctors are thinking about taking the drain out tomorrow or over the weekend and starting him again on clear liquids and see what happens. As they say, it's a "wait and see game."  Well, my husband (and we all) are tired of playing!!!!  That's all the Frankie news.  No talk of going home yet. Of course he still has some major things to work out first before even thinking about home and that is he has to be able to eat AND keep it down. That would be helpful!!!  We'll just see what this weekend brings. Hopefully it will be better than last weekend.  


I'm holding up OK. I've got a horrible rash on my butt from my TENS electrodes.  I sweat a lot and I think the electrodes and my sweat mixed to create a brilliant red, itchy and very irritated rash over where the electrodes were.  So I'm using lotion on that to soothe and heal it up.  I washed the area really good and then used this thick lotion for itchiness and irritation.  I had to place my electrodes up really high on my back and I have mixed feelings if it will work or not. But I can't put it on the rash, so I'll make due until it heals.  What else will happen to me?  Oh, yeah...my feet are so big and puffy, I can't even bend my toes.  So after I put a dot for a period at the last sentence of this post, I'm going to bed.  I'm so exhausted!!


As promised, I picked out a poem that I wrote as a creative writing assignment in high school my senior year.  My creative writing teacher, Mr. Holt, just LOVED it and it was published in the creative writing magazine that the school published once a year, I think.  I hope you like it!
  
Rain Song      

I.I always used to love rain
The steady beating like soft drums on the rooftop
I would look outside and see a spider
Clinging to my ripped screen.
I only saw him on rainy days.

II.I met Alex on a sunny day.
He wore a long-sleeved shirt and bugle boy pants
The black material hanging softly from his bulging muscles
He leaned against the landlord's rusted blue Toyota
And asked me my name.

III.Another sunny day.
Alex invited me back to his house
And we watched TV.
I don't even remember what was on
Some western, or maybe the "Twilight Zone".
The TV went fuzzy and Dave, Alex's friend, tried to fix it.
"Work, you worthless piece of shit!" He yelled,
Throwing the antenna across the room.
It landed behind his box of dirty magazines.

IV.The late afternoon sun sparkled on the waves like gold
Another beautiful day ending as Alex and I
Silently walked on the deserted beach.
We watched the sun drop lower and lower into the lake
Till it was out of sight.
We crossed the railroad tracks and I got the heel
Of my brand new sandals caught.
Alex and I tried to save it                              
But the heel was already broken.

V.First things I noticed when I walked outside
Were the clouds--big, gray and threatening.
Alex was restless that day.
We talked of nothing--just sat in his room
And watched the rain start,
It's pit-pat drumming softly on the roof.

VI.Still raining.
We stayed inside and hovered together for warmth.
Alex was silent
And I asked him what was wrong.
He looked at me with those brown eyes
And for a moment I thought he would tell me.
The moment passed.
"Nothing" he said.

VII.Next day, the rain was the hardest I'd ever seen,
Making mini lakes on the ground.
I stepped over them on my way to Alex's.
I got there and his friend Dave greeted me.
"Alex is gone".
"Where?"
"I don't know".

VIII.The rain blended into a light drizzle after awhile.
I sat in my room and waited.
Waited for what, I don't know.
Little droplets of rain splattered on the window.
I went to bed early.

IX.I hate rain                                          
The steady pounding is like loud drums at a disco.
I looked outside to find the spider clinging to my screen
On this dismal day,
On a day everything was wrong
The spider was gone too.

To Alejandro N. Ramos
1988

Alejandro was the Mexican guy I met in my junior year and I fell hard for him. I wrote a lot of poems about him during my senior year after he left me without even saying good bye.  Big jerk!!!  I'm soooo over him NOW!!  But looking back over these poems brings back a lot of memories for me and makes me think, boy, times were sure simple back then! When all I had to worry about was boys, instead of fibro and making sure I got enough sleep and I take my medications, Frankie's cancer, ect.  I'm sure we all feel like that when we think back to our childhood.  How simple things were way back when.


Have a good weekend, everybody.  I'll keep ya posted on what happens with Frankie.  Wish us luck and perhaps a miracle! We could sure use one about now!!


Big hugs,
Until next post,
Missy

62c4d810-2ab6-4f75-b394-bfadfb2c3c7e

1.03.01

A Little Good News This Time

Howdy, everyone! Just wanted to write real quick and let you know how Frankie's test turned out. We've had a really long day and both of us are exhausted, but it turned out OK. The surgeon came out and talked with me while Frankie was in the recovery area and he said that his stomach was completely clean, didn't see a tumor or mass anywhere. This had had happened once before, when we very first got to Phoenix after my mom died. Frankie was having some problems swallowing and he told the primary doctor, who then referred him out to the gastro-intestinal specialist who then did an EGD...the test where they take a scope that has a camera on the end and put it in your mouth, down your throat and into your stomach and portions of the small intestine.  At that time, he had a CT scan that showed a "shadow" in his stomach, so they did the EGD to confirm as we thought the GIST was coming back. BUT, at that time like this time right now, it was a false alarm and they couldn't find anything then, either. Thank God above!!!!

Now we wait for the PET scan results and then he will be scheduled for surgery to have the little tumor removed from his small intestine and biopsied for cancer. Keep your fingers crossed that Frankie will dodge the bullet again and miss having a relapse. That would be absolutely fantastic!!!!

Oh, and I drove us home without glitch....after my mother-in-law and I  found him! We were told the wrong suite number, so when we came, we parked in the lot by the outpatient clinic. He was going to the endoscopy lab, though, and we had to hike it to the hospital and of course, my walker was at home as I forgot to put it back into the trunk after our shopping expedition last night!!  I made it, though, and when he was ready to go home, my mother-in-law and me hiked it back out through the hospital and the outpatient clinic and got the car. Then, we couldn't find the main entrance. After a little comedy of errors, we did find Frankie and as I went past, he was in the wheelchair waiting for us and he gave me a little wave.  He's so sweet!!!

My legs are killing and it's Frankie's turn for the computer so I'll close this post. I hope you all are doing well and are happy.

Until next post,
Missy

Back In The Driver's Seat...Again!

Today was certainly a hectic day for Frankie and I. We stopped at so many places, my head is still in a whirl. AND, I got to drive again after almost a year of non-driving. Because my legs have been so bad with spasms, it was almost impossible for me to drive and use my right leg (my worst one, of course!) to operate the pedals. And, more embarrassing, until recently I couldn't FIT in the driver's seat.  Yes, I'm not proud of this and I feel absolutely horrid about it, but I had gained so much weight that I actually ATE myself right out of the driver's seat!!  The seat would be pushed way back but it didn't matter. I remember my mother had a test that checked her esophagus and stomach for ulcers and she needed someone to drive her home.  Well, we didn't check before hand as it never entered our mind that I wouldn't fit behind the wheel. No, heck, we waited until after the test, the nurse wheeled my mom out and was waiting on the sidewalk for me to pull our Honda van up to the curb. Well, I go to where Mom had parked it that morning and go to get into the driver's seat and I couldn't even get one leg in!  So here I am, all panic and misery, people are staring at me, my mom is waiting for me and I couldn't get into the damn van!  Thank God my grandma was with us, but she had surrendered her license the previous year due to her advancing age and she felt she wasn't making good decisions behind the wheel. Mom and I agreed and almost had to have that talk with her that we felt she couldn't drive safely anymore, but she came to the conclusion all by herself. So she gave us her car and we traded it in for a nice, roomy van....except for the driver's seat!

Anyway, back to my story....grandma gets into the driver's seat and gets the van up to the curb. Mom tells the nurse we are fine and she didn't need to stay any longer. Unfortunately, due to rules (yada-yada!) she had to stay. Soooo, I got into the back, mom rode shot-gun and grandma drove us out onto the street and to the parking lot of the shopping complex next to the endoscopy clinic. Mom gets out and switches with grandma and she drives us home as usual.  I felt so horrible, bad, miserable, any adjective you could think of about myself. What a failure! I couldn't even drive anymore!!!  I think that is when I became serious about losing weight. That story took place about 6 months before my mom died. And I DID lose enough weight that I could drive the van back from San Antonio to Phoenix.  I don't ever want to be that fat again!!!!

It felt really good being outside today with my husband. To enjoy the sunshine and heat and sweat like a pig! I went through Wal Mart looking like I just came from the shower and hadn't bothered to towel off. One of my nine hundred medications makes me sweat profusely!!  And we are going through a record breaking heat wave, even for Arizona!  By the early part of next week, we'll see triple digits up to the 110 range. Ah, good ole' Arizona!  We then went to the outpatient clinic where Frankie would have his test tomorrow so I would know the route to take when I drive him home. He'll probably be zonked out so it was helpful to take a test run when he was awake and could help me.  My mother-in-law is coming with us, too, and she can help me get us home, too.  She is legally blind with macular degeneration, but I swear.....she does better with directions and getting us to places than a GPS!!!  No kidding!

As I was driving home, though, my right leg kept cramping up and I had spasms so bad I wanted to scream! I'm also having funky muscle spasms in my throat and right hand. My fingers will actually pull to one side with spasm. It only lasts for a few seconds and then it's gone, but still! I hate that! And with my throat I'll swallow something, it will get stuck in the middle of swallowing and I'll have to tell myself not to panic, just relax, and the spasm will ease up and I can swallow again.  So not fun!

So today I learned that I can still drive, just not for long distances until my legs get "fixed", however that may be. They are so swollen I had to get a size 11 wide in shoes and bigger socks that fit up to size 12 feet.  I've been stuck with this stupid swelling for soooo long.....when will it end?  I'm tired of water pills, going to the bathroom every 12 seconds and seeing the sock and shoe imprint embedded into the skin on the top of my feet.  I hope the doctor appointment on June 11th will shed some light on why my feet are like this.  I also learned today that my insurance denied to pay for the sleep study. I'm kind of glad...wasn't looking forward to it anyway. I can't sleep knowing people are watching me!!!!

Well, I'll end this entry and go take a shower and wash off my grimy body. (Pleasant picture that makes, huh?). Then I will put my feet up and fall asleep, I am quite sure.  I hope you all are well and happy. I'll let you know how Frankie's test goes tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed and the prayers flowing our way, please. I really appreciate it!

God bless you all!!!!
Until next post,
Missy