Sharp Dressed Cat

Howdy, everyone!  Hope you all are having a pleasant end of summer.  It has rained here yesterday, but as usual, it doesn't stay for too long.  But it was glorious when it lasted!!!

I had a doc appointment yesterday and I didn't lose any more weight.  I've hit a plateau, I think.  My hubby and I will be hitting the gym!  I did take a recent picture of myself, though.  Here it is:

Not too shabby.  Even if I don't lose another pound, I'm proud of how far I've come.  It's been a rough road, what with the nausea, heaving, diarrhea, diverticulitis, the whole bit. And we can't forget that dreaded protein drink I have to have everyday!!  But it's worth it.  I can now fit into 3x clothes and don't have to go to a tent shop for a shirt anymore!  LOL!

My sister-in-law was so sweet and she made Jack a new "coat" and sent it to me.  At first, all he would do would lay down and not pose for me.  Then he got used to wearing it and was his usual self.  I took some cute pics of him in his new attire.  :0)

Isn't he a cutie?  And boy, does he know it!!!  If you want your pet to have this, visit my sister-in-law's site called "Rockindogs" at www.rockindogs.com  You won't regret it.  She has many designs and colors and is always full of fresh artistic designs.  She's the best!!!  Thank you again, Patty!  And Jackie thanks you, too.

Nothing much else going on here.  I hope you all have a great week and be safe!  I pray for my dad and Gina who are on the road going back to Oklahoma.  I hope they have a safe and sound trip.

Big hugs to all,

Happy Birthday, Dad!

Howdy, everyone!!
Sorry I haven't been so good with updating the blog.  It's been such a long, hot summer!  Not only that, but ever since the surgery, I haven't gotten my stomach back!  I think it's working TOO well.  Take today, for instance.  I just got back from the Ford dealer, as my in-laws invited my hubby and me for burgers & hot dogs at their new dealer.   They just bought a kick-butt Ford Escape.  Anyway, I had half a burger and it felt like I ate the whole grill!  I had a few sips of Mt. Dew (nothing much because of the carbonation & gas!) and that about did me in.  It's been a few hours and it feels like I just ate.  I can't even go out to eat anymore!!!  I can't complain, though.  My last weight, after my car wreck, was 257lbs.  I will be getting weighed again this coming week.  I'll have to get a picture up here.  It's really coming off!!

My diet these days is yogurt and skim milk and some chicken, when I can tolerate it.  I kid you not, that is what I've been eating these days.  That bout of diverticulitis has left its mark.  Enough about that!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!  Today he is a young....whatever!  :0)  He is recovering well from his broken collar bone.  I don't know if I told you, he had a nasty fall and that is what happened.  Poor guy!  He sure knows how to live it up in Oklahoma!  From what I hear, that is going to be his NEW home pretty soon.  I'm very happy he has found his soul mate in Gina.  I'm happy to include her in the family now!!

That is pretty much all that's happened here.  Still hot, but we did get a little spitting of water from the sky this morning.  I pray for those that live on the East Coast and have suffered from Hurricane Irene's wrath.  Hopefully all those roads and power have been restored.

Here is a picture from the past: My dad and I when I was about 25 yrs old and had first moved to Yuma, AZ.  Don't we look young and foolish?  Happy birthday, again, Dad and a good Labor Day weekend to all!!!

Just for the heck of it, here's some more from the past:

                                       My mom and dad.  Nice hat, Dad!

               My mom and I after buying my first new car, a 1995 Dodge Neon.

My dad..how I miss seeing that smile and that hat bobbing down the hall!!  :0)

Stay tuned...there's more from where that came from!!

Down Day Today

Hi, friends!

I am just in such a funk over how my life has been going recently.  I AM very grateful to be alive after my car accident and to have such a beautiful new (used) car in such a short time AND to not be seriously injured.  But it has done something so severe to my head that I am afraid to drive again.  I keep telling my husband that I THINK I'm ready, but if I am honest with myself, I am not really ready at all.  First of all, everything survived in the crash EXCEPT for my glasses.  How could it be possible to not get one mark on my face from the accident, yet the glasses that I was wearing on my face got totally trashed?  Go figure.  And my husband and I are paying a lot for car insurance and can't afford to get my glasses replaced for quite a while.  I am terribly near sighted, but I can still see the red stop sign!!  I just have to be wearing them while driving, it is a stipulation on my license.  So I guess I have a good excuse to not drive yet....but I do miss my glasses.  I remember having the GPS up on the windshield that morning and that survived with me with only a few minor scratches.  Again, go figure!!  I thank the lady and man from the bottom of my heart for getting me out of the car and for sitting with me while I shook so badly on the side of the road.  That day was the worst day of my life and I can't seem to get over it.

OK, on to other things.  Sorry to drone on about the accident.  It was the scariest thing I've been through, so if any of my readers have similar stories, I'd love to hear them.  :0)

I lost another 12 pounds, bringing me down to 257 pounds.  I've officially lost 100 pounds since my surgery in April.  I wish I felt better.  I feel weak as a kitten, and that accident didn't help much, either.  I had a MRI in the ER and it showed a bone spur on my back.  So I've got that to contend with now.  I try going to the gym, but it's so hard with my back.  The only exercise that feels good is my sister's pool.  Thanks, Barbara, for sharing it with us!! AND HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!! We love it and it takes the weight off my joints.  Maybe we can start coming over twice a week after dinner?  That way the sun isn't so bright as Frankie and I can't go out too long in the sun because of the medications we are taking.  You are the best sister I've ever had in my life....and that's coming from being an only child!  :0)

I'm also having a lot of problems with my diet, too.  I get bloated fast and the protein shakes I MUST drink give me diarrhea for most of the day.  What a way to lose weight!!  But a least it's coming off!!!

That pretty much is it for now.  Sorry about the tone of this post.  Everyone gets the blues sometimes.  I just want to start looking for work and being able to find a good job that I like and can keep.  Please pray for me for that.  I would really appreciate it.  I'd love to get out alone with my hubby and give my wonderful in-laws a much needed rest of having their home back!!  I can never thank them enough for their generosity.

Hope you all are having a good one.  I'll post again soon.
God bless,

Happy Birthday To Me!

Well, today is the day.  I'm officially 41 years old.  Oh, how the years have passed and what joy most of those years have been!!  And this will be my third birthday without my mom and my second without my dad, as he lives in Michigan and I haven't seen him in 2 years now. :(  I miss him!  Anyway, you take this only child who always had all the attention in the world on her birthday by her doting parents (and all the other days of the year!) and have your life up and change so drastically over the past three years since my mom died, well, let's say I'm still not used to my new life.   I get sooooo emotional over the summers since Mom died.  I guess because it was so sudden and I didn't get to say goodbye.  And she always made me special treats for my birthday.  Just being there made it special.  Oh, how I miss her!!!  I write this with a fine mist of tears in my eyes.....

And then, I go and make life even more drastic.  I have bariatric surgery!  Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I had it, even if I did have a few "coincidental" things happen, like the bout of diverticulitis.  I'm glad I'm over that!!!!  Thank you so much for all the well wishes and support.  I've gotten so much, there is NO way I can answer each one of you personally, so please accept my group "hug" and THANKS A MILLION FOR BEING THERE FOR ME!!!  :0)

Life is so different after the surgery.  Meals take on a whole new meaning.  It takes me about 40 minutes to get through a meal and most of the time, it feels like food is getting caught in my throat.  So I've got to make sure all my meat is sloppy moist (to get 'er down the ole' pipes!) and I still can't have bread.  I've got such cravings for stuff I can't have....like a sandwich.  Or a soda. Or my ever famous taco.  I can have starches in six months, not before.  I guess they want me to lose half of my weight before starting starches back into the mix.  So I survive on sugar free pudding, popcicles, chicken breast, scrambled eggs, Carnation Instant Breakfast and the ever popular protein shakes (I still have to have three a day because I'm not eating enough food during the day to get enough protein.)  This has been the most radical "diet" I've ever been on and to think it is permanent.  Which is good, because once this weight is gone, it's STAYING gone!!!!  I just can't wait for another year when I can have bread and eat in a restaurant!  Ah, the simple things!!!

And taking my pills.  Geez, I take so many, that by the time I'm done, I'm full on applesauce or yogurt that I have to take with to get them down.  I've crushed so many, I've got cracks in my fingers from constantly breaking in half big pills.  But all in the name of losing weight.  I'll do it!

My hubby and I are really enjoying the gym and we ride the stationary bike and I've tried the treadmill a few times.  We take it slow and easy and it's helping my fibro and my joints.  So hopefully I can start weaning off some of my meds soon.  Won't that be nice?

Well, gotta get ready to go to the state DES office to renew my health insurance.  Wish me luck.  That place is a zoo and AZ is going broke, so they are changing some rules.  Please pray I keep my insurance!!!   I'll take the Kindle with and my hubby and I will play Monopoly while we wait with half of Phoenix in line!

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAY WISHES ON MY BLOG AND FACEBOOK.  I've got so many friends of FB, I can't answer personally, so THANK YOU AND GOD BLESS YOU ALL!!!

Have a great day!!!
My next post I'll post some pics of new outfits I can fit into now.  :0)
Hugs,

Regrets? Maybe a few....

Howdy, fine friends & family!

Well, I'm still trying to survive the heat (it's triple digits again!) AND to keep "regular" food down in my stomach.  It is the strangest thing.  I can eat yogurt, sherbert, popcicles, and fruit but when it comes to veggies and meat, my stomach puts up an instant rebellion and up it comes again.  Before my surgery, I never had problems with veggies or meat!!  What's the deal?  And I am so depressed as my monthly measurements did NOT go well.  I actually INCREASED on my waist and bust.  And I swear, NO cheating!  I gained a pound on the scale at home.  I turned into such a scale maniac that my dear mother-in-law hid the scale from me.  Thank God!!!

I know, I know....Rome wasn't built in a day and losing weight doesn't magically disappear over night...although I wish it did!!  I guess I've hit a little plateau, so I am doing more work on the bike at the gym and I started walking the treadmill.  It's going VERY slowly.  Trying to get my stiff & cranky arthritic joints going is no easy task.  I had to go to the rheumatologist this past week for a shot of cortisone to keep my joints going!  My sister-in-law has a beautiful pool that she and her hubby are going to let me use so I can swim laps and get the pressure off my knee joints.  Those are what are hurting me so badly.  And swimming is PERFECT for arthritis and fibromyalgia.  So we'll see what all the new exercise does.  I have NO idea why I can't eat meat....maybe it's too soon for my stomach.  Too bad, as that has so much protein, which I need desperately!   So I've had to supplement with those yummy protein shakes.  And whenever I eat, I can actually feel the food go down the esophagus and into my stomach.  If my stomach is too full, the food "piles" up in my esophagus waiting for my stomach to empty enough to pull it down in.  Very weird feeling!!!!   My tastes have changed, too.  My poor mother-in-law has gotten me everything on a whim, hoping that will satisfy my system.  But foods I used to love now taste funny.  That, too, is VERY weird.

And I soooooooo miss taking a pill with water!!!!  I think that is my BIGGEST regret about the surgery is that I have to crush my pills and put it in applesauce, pudding or yogurt.  This is so it doesn't get stuck on the way to my stomach.  And a lot of my pills when crushed do NOT have a very good taste!!   Since I have to take them with food, it's not like I can carry about a thing of yogurt and an aspirin if I get a headache when I'm away from home.  I have to wait until I get home to take my pills.  So I plan very carefully ahead before we leave.....like how long we'll be gone, am I due for anything, ect.  It gets tiring.

I don't mean to complain or anything.  I'm just feeling a little down today and am using my blog to "vent."  Given the same choice, I'd still have the surgery because I am losing weight, just not too quickly in the places where I want it to.....like my tummy and thighs!  And with how I was going with food, I would have died young like my mom from being morbidly obese.  My mom had other problems as well, but her weight didn't help, either.  I guess there's pro's and cons to everything, huh?

So I've been on the computer looking at blogs and playing with my Kindle.  That Kindle is my pride and joy.  My hubby got me a beautiful burgandy case with a pull out light.  And I've got over 50 books on my wish list at the Kindle Store.   Oh, how I wish I had a money tree in the back yard.  A lot of the books are under $7, so that's not too bad.  But maybe the "Birthday Fairy" will leave me a gift card for the Kindle Store for my birthday!!!  Ha!  Wouldn't that be cool?  :0)  Ha!

That pretty much wraps it up.  I have two pics to post, the first being me in my new bathing suit that my friend Sheila got me (Thank you sooooo much, Sheila!) and the second in a 2x/3x night shirt I couldn't wear before.  So I am making strides....I'm just being hormonal!  Weight fluctuates all the time and scales differ.   So I'm just going to keep on doing what I'm doing and hope for the best.

My sexy new suit!!  :0)

My new night shirt

Hope you all have a great rest of the week.  Take it easy and keep cool!!
Big hugs,

PS....Much thanks to everyone who has left and will leave (how's THAT for positive thinking? Ha!) me very kind and encouraging messages.  I can't tell you how much they brighten my day.  Thank you all for being my friends!

Yep, I'm Still Alive!

Howdy friends!

I am so glad to be back on the computer, if only for awhile.  I have so much to catch up on, I don't even know where to begin.  First off, thank you to all you who have written me via email, facebook or comments to question how I am.  Let me tell you....and I hope I'm not repeating myself....but I've now reached the UNDER THREE HUNDRED POUNDS RANGE!!!!

I had my two month check up at the bariatric clinic on Tuesday and I weight in at 285 lbs.  I can't remember the last time I weighed that.  And that was after being so horribly sick.  Let me give you the short version of what happened and why I haven't been blogging in so long.

I was doing so well...my hubby and I even joined a gym and I was really pumping away at the stationary bike.  I couldn't see myself pounding the pavement in 100 plus degrees, so we decided the cost of the gym would be worth it.  I love the gym and can't wait to get back.

OK, then comes the week of my hubby's birthday and I was starting to feel nauseated and not throwing up, but heaving.  A LOT.  I couldn't keep anything down for two days.  I remember looking in the mirror and feeling like a raccoon with the dark circles under my eyes.  I hadn't slept in two days because I felt just so awful.  I was cursing myself for having the gastric surgery because I knew that is what was wrong.  I just knew it!  So in the car my hubby and I went to Banner Gateway where I had my surgery.  It was a 40 mile trip that felt like 140 miles.  I remember holding a towel and a bowl in front of me in case I did finally manage to get stuff up.  I was shivering to beat all band.  We waited in the ER for six hours and they gave me everything they could for the nausea, but nothing worked.  And my intestines felt like they were turning upside down with pain!!  I was so miserable, I was praying for God to have Mercy on me and take me to Heaven that night.  I don't think I have ever in my entire life felt that sick.

I had to have a CT scan of my abdomen, pelvis and chest to rule out a clot in my lung or elsewhere.  I also had to drink that lovely barium drink to check my stomach for any leaks from surgery.  I remember getting half down and throwing the other half back into the cup.  Luckily, it was enough to do the test with.  And then we waited and waited.  That God they had a TV in the ER room, not that I cared in the slightest bit.  I felt so bad for my hubby, though, as it was his birthday and having to spend it in the ER.  FUN!

Finally, at 2 am, the doctor comes in and says my stomach is fine, no leaks (good), but my colon has diverticulitis and I was having quite an attack.  No kidding!  So I was admitted to the hospital for IV antibiotics and fluids and to let my bowel rest.  I never even knew I had diverticulitis before!  My colon has always been friends with me!  Ha!  So I was in the hospital for two long, miserable days.  Nausea, that no meds helped and pain that meds sometimes helped.  My advice:  DON'T EVER GET DIVERTICULITIS!!!!!  My bariatric surgeon swears up and down that this is a coincidence, I would have gotten it regardless if I had surgery or not.  Finally, on the third day, I was released on oral antibiotics and full liquids and to take it easy.

I don't have the severe pain anymore, nor the nausea.  They disappeared as quickly as they came.  But I do have more pills to crush!  That's the only thing bad about having bariatric surgery.  You have to crush everything and not everything tastes so good!!!  I have to take the antibiotic in sherbert or I heave again.  Speaking of that, I heaved so hard I broke two ribs according to the CT scan.  That's why my back hurts like it does.  Also, I had to have one of my antibiotics changed due to it caused my knee to swell, get really stiff and hurt!  It was Levaquin, which can rupture tendons in some people.  God, I hope I'm not one of those people!!  I have a rheumatologist appointment tomorrow to check it out.  Wish me luck.  That's my story....and I'm sticking to it!!!

I hope you all have been well and have braved the midwest storms. I have family there that I worry about constantly, and you, my bloggers.  So stay safe and head for the cellar if need be!!!!

Guess what?  My birthday is coming up soon and my hubby got me a Kindle (which I absolutely ADORE!) as my other reader, the Literati, was a piece of you know what and quit working on me.  So if my dear friends and family are looking for get well/birthday gifts for me, the Amazon Kindle Store would be so cool!!!  I've got six more Janet Evanovich books to get to complete my collection.  (Hint, hint!  Ha!)

Well, gotta get off my knee and go lay down for awhile.  I hope you all are well and I think about you all always.

God bless,

No Taco For Missy!

Howdy, folks....
This will be another short post.  I'm so sorry, my legs and feet have been soooooo bad that I can't have them down on the floor for too long then that nasty neuropathy starts up.  I don't know if my surgery started that up or flared up my fibro.....it certainly is possible.  Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know my hubby and I are going to the gym now to work out.  We are starting to go three times a week and I just love the stationary bike.  It is so easy on my back and I don't get that horrible back pain and have to stop while walking forty times!

If the gym allows, I'll take some pics the next time we go, which will be tomorrow.  I know now how many times I've got to pedal to get ready to get rid of the calories of a taco, so forget the taco!!!!  I'll take something low calorie!  Ha!  But I'm following the diet regulations and the exercises.  I take my pills all mashed up in applesauce.    I see the bariatric surgeon again June 4th, so we'll see how much weight I've lost then.  Hopefully lots more!  For those that are new to my blog, I had a "gastric sleeve" (which is where they take out 85% of your stomach and staple together what is left to your intestine) on April 18th.  I just passed the month mark and boy, has it had its ups and downs.

Nausea, heaving in the beginning, eating only pureed and liquid foods, all the protein supplements and vitamins....but I don't regret it.  I know it needed to be done as I have NO self control over food and it was ruling my life and would have eventually killed me.  I'm glad the surgery is over!!!

I woke up this morning with Jackie laying on my belly.  I didn't even feel it, so must be I'm healing up good inside.  Silly kitty!!

Well, my leg is telling me its time to put it up.  Please pray my neuropathy gets better.  Please!  Thank you!

Hugs,

Thanks, Gina!  :0)

I WANT A TACO!

Howdy, everyone!
Like my dramatic title?  It is so very, very true.  I can just taste it now.  But I can't have it now.  It would more than likely get stuck in my "pouch" (the new name for my new stomach) and I'd have to go to the ER like an idiot and confess I had a taco and have it surgically removed!  Big sigh.  I don't know if I am glad I had this surgery or not.  Too late to go back, but I'm so tired of pureed food.  I feel like a baby!  My stomach won't even tolerate an egg, let alone the beloved taco!  I tried eggs twice and got a monster stomach ache.  I can have eggs, pureed, clear liquids and bariatric full liquids.  I've had so much protein I feel like Popeye!

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not complaining and am so glad I am losing weight.  It's just getting used to the new life style.  In one more week I can have soft food....like meat loaf, mashed potatoes, stuff like that.  It just seems it's been forever on this "diet"!!!!  And I still don't feel like myself before surgery.  I'm tired, cranky, sore, my arthritis and fibro is in flare which makes exercise impossible....and then I realize it hasn't even been a month since I had the surgery.  So I'll be patient and rely on God.  You think HE will give me a taco?  Ha!

Sorry to make this short.  My back and feet are killing me.  My neuropathy is acting up, too, and I mean BAD.  The neurontin I take tastes sooooo bad in applesauce (which is how I take ALL my pills is crunched in applesauce!), I make sure to have a "chaser" behind it like something good to drink or a popcicle.  I'm hooked on those!  I do things in stints.  Later on or tomorrow I'll check my email.  I can sit up for about 15 minutes and that is it.  Life just has to get better as I lose weight, doesn't it?  Pretty please?  Hope you all are well and I wish the love of God upon all of you.
Thank you for all the support.  Speaking of which...I'm going to a support group next week.  Maybe that will help, too, to bolster my spirits a bit.

Since everyone loves Jack, I'll post another pic of him:

Jackie with my husband.

        
Hugs,

PS...Hi, Gina and Dad!  Hope you are both doing well.  Love you!

Woo Hoo!!

Howdy, all!  I'm almost too excited to write this post.  Yesterday my appointment with the bariatric clinic went so well, I almost cried right there on the scale.  I now weigh....drum roll, please....UNDER THREE HUNDRED POUNDS!  (296.5 lb with a BMI of 47 to be exact.)  I can now wear a 3x shirt (I'm wearing the shirt in my new profile picture I put up above under "about me"), and even wore one to my appointment with a new pair of shorts.  I cannot tell you the last time I weighed in the 200's.  I know it sounds atrocious still, but to me, it's a dream come true.  Because it will just be coming down and down to hopefully my goal weight of 160 lbs.  My dear family member (I don't know if she wants me to tell all or not!) is helping me by getting me a gym membership so I can work out on the treadmills and various other equipment.  Exercising in the summer outside in Arizona is NOT fun, let me tell you.  So I am so excited to be able to go to a gym.  :0)  So thank you, family member!  :0)  They gave me a card at the bariatric clinic that I can use at places to eat so I can honorably order the kid's size meals or 1/2 adult portions.  I haven't even thought of going out to eat yet, my stomach is so small I eat a few bites of things and I'm so full it feels like I had a full steak dinner!  I am now on to pureed food for two more weeks, then I can eat soft foods.  I will have to take liquid vitamins and protein drinks for the rest of my life.  No prob....don't want my body to eat off of my muscles instead of my fat!  Ha!  I still am recovering from surgery.  I feel kind of weak still and could use a shot of energy.  Hopefully that will come in time!!  I hope so!!  But so far, so good.

Today I have a doctor's appointment for the rheumatologist.  I can't take anti-inflammatories anymore due to the risk of stomach ulcers and I've got so little stomach left, I don 't need an ulcer on top of it.  So I'll just be on prednisone and deal with the stiffness as best as I can.  After that, we are going to WalMart and I'm going to use that as my daily walk.  I haven't been able to walk around there in years, so I'll take my walker in and do the best that I can.  At least it's air conditioned!  I hate having the arthritis.  I could do so much more without it!

Gina....I tried to get onto your blog but it's been removed from Blogger.  Did you change it?  Let me know.  I miss it!!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for me during my surgery and recovery.  I really appreciate it.  I will post another pic of Jack with his new hair cut.  He's in a better mood this time.....sleeping!!!  Cats!  Where can I sign up for their life?

Hope you all have a great day.
Love ya all!!
Hugs,

Happy May Day!

Hello, all!

Well, today is the first day since my surgery that I have felt half way decent.  I didn't wake up with the usual nausea and retching and I could lean up out of bed and not have my tummy muscles protest like they used to.  I felt like I was majorly beat up after that surgery!!!  Last week I felt so bad, I just could NOT believe I let myself go through with this surgery.  I even had to call the bariatric surgeon as I had such bad gas pains in my shoulder that I couldn't get rid of and I kept dry-heaving over the wastepaper basket.  Nothing was coming up, but it hurt like hell to be heaving on a freshly stapled stomach.  It scared me so much, I was shaking from head to toe while I was talking to the surgeon on the phone.  He made me feel much better by saying that the gas pain was probably due to me taking too BIG of bites or drinks of food/beverages.  I can only SIP at things now, because my stomach pouch fills up very fast and needs time to empty out again before putting more down.  Man, I tell you...it takes me all day to take my pills, eat and drink!!  The doctor gave me medicine to help the nausea, and it has.  I have only had to take it about once a day now, and only if I forget and eat one bite too much!

This is definitely a new life style.  I think after I get used to it and start to lose weight, I will like it better.  It's just so new and the rules are endless!  No wonder I forget what I'm supposed to be doing!  And I hate with having to take my pills are crunched up and in applesauce.  Some of them have really funky tastes!  Sometimes I miss the "old days" but then again, those days weren't so great with my weight.  So, with God's help, I'll get through this.  Everyday my husband and I take a walk down the street when the sun goes down.  I know it isn't much for right now, but with all that weight crushing down on my bones and my arthritis out of remission because I had to stop my pills for surgery (I just now have resumed them), it's the best I can do.  And as compared to BEFORE the surgery, I'm doing good!  At least I'm up and moving around more.  I am going to be joining a gym soon so I can work out at various other machines and tone my other muscles.  I want to lost weight very slowly, enough that my skin will "spring back" in and I won't need plastic surgery.  I don't want surgery ever again!!!!  I went to my primary doctor the other day and I lost another two pounds.  I go to the bariatric clinic on Wednesday, so I'll let you know what happens there.  Hopefully I'll see the exercise person for some pointers about exercises for my back and to strengthen that.  It is so very weak.

My "diet" is going along.  I have a popcicle and I'm full.  I have a HALF cup of soup, and I'm full.  It doesn't take much!  And my need for chocolate has been TOTALLY wiped out after the surgery!  I had some chocolate pudding and it gagged me.  I couldn't even have a chocolate calcium chew as it gagged me so badly.  So I take my vitamins in liquid form and they taste like orange juicy.  Yummy!  Unfortunately, the price tag isn't so yummy...$33.00!!  But, I need the vitamins and they don't gag me, so it's worth it.

I hope and pray that all of you are happy and well and out of "Tornado Alley" way!!  Keep safe!  I think and pray for all of you.  Thank you for reading my blog and praying for me.  :0)
I'll post again soon, and maybe with some new pictures.

God bless and happy May!
Hugs,

Yikes!

Hello, folks!

I know, I know...don't everyone drop their computers!  Today is the first day that I could even remotely think about dragging myself out of bed to the computer.  I can't stay long, my back and legs are already rebelling.  But I knew that some of my very good blogger friends would worry about me, so I made the effort.  It feels good to be able to blog again!

Let me tell you, I want to strangle the guy (or girl) who came up with this liquid diet with the yummy protein drinks!  I've been to Hell and back with severe diarrhea, vomiting and weakness so bad I couldn't even hold my head up straight.  I've been in bed so long, I think I've termed the phrase "bed head"!  The first week (last week) I was on what is called "whey" protein and my body reacted so badly to it, I almost landed in the ER.  I called the Bariatric Clinic and the nurse and dietician suggested to switch it to "soy protein."  They also said I could be lactose intolerant.  Let me tell you, I was born and raised on milk.  I LOVE dairy products.  So how could that happen?  At any rate, so far, I let my stomach rest yesterday and today I started the new soy drinks and so far, so good.  I've had almost two drinks today and they have stayed in my stomach.  We are making progress.

I'm scared to death about Monday, but then I can't wait for it to be over and I can start the recovery process.  And losing weight.  That is very exciting!  And going back on my arthritis meds that I had to stop for surgery....that is very exciting, too!  Maybe I can walk better and without my trusty cane!  So everyone please pray for me on Monday.  I won't blog again until it's over, so don't worry if you don't see a post until the end of next week.  Maybe Gina will put on her blog how the surgery goes, because Dad said they would call me after the surgery.  I had a very good talk with him last night!  Gina couldn't talk, so I missed speaking with her last night.  :0(

I hope you all are doing well and I think about you often.
Pray my recovery goes well!

These are my last few days with my whole stomach!!  Next week I'll only have 25 percent left!  Come weight loss!!!

Hugs to all,

Starting Fresh

Howdy, folks!  Yeesh....it only took me about an hour to get Blogger to cooperate with me and finally let me post on my own blog!!  It kept giving me some bogus error page with a code a mile long.  Like I know what they are talking about!!!  The internet is acting very funky lately.  I don't know if it is our computer, the DSL modem, QWest, Phoenix, or just plain ole me!  I've ran the mal-ware and anti-virus programs and everything checks out clean.  So I'll blame it all on Qwest.  It has always worked well for me in the past! Ha!  My motto is: if you can blame it on someone else, do it!!  Hehehe....

OK, now down to brass tacks.  I hope nobody minds that I decorated for the luck of the Irish.  I could use ANY kind of luck and this template is so cute.  LeeLou blogs has so many cute templates, you should check them out.  Just click on the link at the very top of my page or the very bottom and it should take you over to her site.  And if it doesn't, again, blame Qwest....LOL!

Right now, as we speak, our baby (the car) is over at Thunderbird Automotive having its little thermometer replaced and a coolant flush.  Come to find out, the last time we had the car serviced (this past summer), the place put in the wrong type.  It's green instead of red, how it should be for a Toyota.  I have absolutely NO idea what I'm talking about, I'm just repeating what I heard the mechanic telling Frankie.  This visit will be costing us about $250 dollars.  Thank God we had a little in savings.  Man, I sure do love our car, but keeping it on the road is sure expensive!!  The people there were awfully nice, though, and gave us a ride home in our own car!  It was soooo bizarre seeing someone else drive our car away!!!  They will come and pick us up when it is ready and then Frankie and I have lots of little errands to do.

I titled this post "Starting Fresh" as a way to get my mind into focus.  I've been doing a lot of panic mode and not enough of productive mode!!!  I've been letting the Devil get to me with worry and anxiety over everything....the car, Frankie's vomiting (which has improved since coming home from his latest hospital visit), our money flow and lack thereof and my bariatric surgery.  I haven't given any of these problems to the person that can help me.  The ONLY person.....GOD.  I've bumbled my way through January and half of February just worrying over EVERYTHING and letting petty little things get in my way.  Like if I leave a post and nobody comments on it and I look at other people's blogs and they get TONS of comments.  I always think I'm doing something wrong.  I'm not writing this blog for anyone BUT ME.  It's not an advertisement for anyone or anything else.  It's just a place where I can put my thoughts down and have a journal of events of what is happening in our lives.  So dear God, please forgive me and help me live my life.  I cannot do it without you.  And I promise to not "borrow" these worries back from you!  Ha!

I called Banner Bariatrics and had to leave a message with the insurance and authorization department.  It's been almost three or four weeks since they submitted the stuff and I haven't heard a word.  I'm waiting for a call back on that.  It would be so nice to know one way or another so I can start on Plan B, if need be.  Which is ask my doctor for either Medifast, the medical liquid diet program or Phentermine, a medicine that helps morbidly obese people lose weight.  I took it in 2000 and it worked like a charm, but when I came off of it, I regained all the weight, plus some.  I use food for a comfort source and this is sooo BAD.  So I'm trying very hard to curb my appetite!!  Not an easy feat, I tell you.  And I had to bump my Prednisone back up to 15mg because I was just absolutely miserable on 10mg.  I was so stiff I could barely move.  When I know for sure about the surgery, I'll down the Prednisone again and live with it until after the surgery.  But I thought no point being miserable when I still don't know if I can even have the surgery!

Well, that pretty much is all my news.  I'll end this post with one of my all time favorite Michael W. Smith songs, "Above All."  And a picture of my baby.....my furry, spoiled baby, that is.  Jackie LOVES my new tote bag.  I carry so much stuff around now that I have to carry a small tote bag.  Jack was pawing through it the other day, then got tired and fell asleep on top of it.  He is just tooooo cute.  Anyway, hope you all have a great day!!!

My poor, tired baby!  Couldn't even raise his sleep filled eyes to the camera!!

Bummer Day

This is another picture of my mom that captures EXACTLY how I feel today.  Just bummed out.  For one thing, I miss my mom more than words could ever begin to say.  I was thinking today that I haven't spoken to my mom in almost three years this coming July.  Three years I haven't heard her laugh, or sing or talk.  I can't tell her all that has happened since she died.  I just am missing her very hard this week for some reason.  It's like a tidal wave of grief that you must ride and once it passes, that grief just goes away until the next wave.  I hate this! 

Another thing that has me bummed is I still haven't heard from the bariatric clinic about my surgery and the insurance.  I'm afraid to call them, as I don't think I would survive the answer at this point.  I just KNOW they are going to turn me down.  Earlier this week on the news they had a report that the state is refusing to authorize ORGAN TRANSPLANTS.  One guy already died and many others are about to because of this.  If they are doing that, what chance does my surgery have of being authorized?  It's not near the magnitude of an organ transplant!!  I hear that people are going south of the border for surgery.  I may be in that line-up!  Who knows?  Our brilliant governor thinks the answer to our budget problem is to take childless couples OFF state insurance.  Oh, great!  Now I'm being discriminated against, too, because I don't have children!!  Thank God it has to go through the federal avenues to be approved and I CANNOT believe that this country would go that low and approve that.  If it does, Canada, here I come!!!!  Why can't they take money from the over blown salaries these people get?  Why is the fix for state AND federal budgets always to take away from the poor and elderly?  It just drives me bananas!!

I just wish I could turn the clock back to nursing school when I was thin, had a good credit score, could take a shower unaided and ready to tackle the world.  No fibro. No arthritis. I could move around with ease.  And I took it all for granted!  Now I've got myself into a big pickle that might lose medical insurance in October.  If I don't get that surgery, I'll see if my doctor will prescribe that diet pill for me, Phentermine.  I took it for a short time when I was living in Yuma and needed to lose weight.  I lost about 90 pounds on it.  Problem was, when I stopped it, I started over eating again.  I'll worry about that later.  I just need to drop pounds NOW and get back to work and get us out of this poverty situation.

OK, enough.  I'm sorry to drone on and on.  But it felt good to get that all out.  Blogging is very therapeutic.  I don't know what I'd do without it.  I've "met" so many neat people in various stages of life.  I'm so grateful for my blog and reading blogs of others.

I hope you all are having a better day.  Thanks for listening to me.  :0)

God bless,

Stay warm, my dear friends!

I Would Die For That

Howdy, friends.

I had a different blog post planned for this morning, but something else just popped out that I can't hold in much longer.  I thought I was over this issue in my twenties when my husband got cancer and is on a life-long chemo drug and I thought I was over this issue when I got the fibro and arthritis and knew that I couldn't carry a baby for nine whole months with my back the way it is.  I thought so many, many things...but now the yearning is back, the hollow ache inside my soul, the bitter tears upon my face.  If I live to be a hundred and thirty nine, I still will have ONE regret.....never being pregnant.  Feeling something inside me, "kicking" and living and breathing.  Taking cute belly pictures every week (I could do that, sure, but it would be my FAT belly with no baby inside!), thinking up nursery themes and buying clothes.  Of making my dad a grandpa and my in-laws grandparents, too.

Man, I have it bad today.  I guess I've been reading too many pregnant lady blogs recently.  I can't help myself, though.  I love hearing the stories and seeing the pictures.  It amazes me what God has created.....but not for me.  Why?  Oh, I've asked myself this so many times that it's a given.  Would I be a bad mother?  Why do so many drug-addicted teenagers get to have babies and I don't?  I'm married, I'm educated and as soon as I lose my weight, I'll be back at work.  I just don't understand God's ways sometimes.  But it bums me out every time I think about it.

To all those that read this, please don't get me wrong.  I am soooo glad for every baby born to healthy, beautiful and caring parents.  You deserve it!!  I've been following "Kelly's Korner" blog (you can find her in my blog roll to the side) and she posted on her blog a beautiful song that so gets where I'm coming from.  It's called "I Would Die For That."  I cry my heart out every time I hear it, which so far has been three times. :0)  I will post it here so you can hear the beautiful song, too.

Isn't that a gorgeous song?  I'm not sure who sings it, my eyes get so teary I can't read most of the words on the video.  I just know it is my mantra of not being a mother.

I don't think my husband is much affected by our plight.  He never really cared one way or another.  If we did have kids, great.  If not, who cares?  He gives me support, but not being a woman, he just can't understand that "nesting" feeling that goes on in a woman's body and soul.  I get very upset at my body that it has so many things wrong with it, I can barely carry MYSELF let alone a baby, too.  I'm only 40, but feel 90....and that's a GOOD day!!  We have no money to adopt or foster parent, so that is out.  Adoption is so risky anyway.  You get a child, they take your heart away, and then the biological parents are at the doorstep wanting their baby back.  Surrogates are the same way.  Nine months of pregnancy, they see the baby's face for the first time, and she keeps it.  I don't blame her.  I would do that, too, probably.

OK, I feel slightly better talking about this.  Thank you for listening.  If anyone is like me, I'd love to hear from you.  How you deal with knowing you will never be called "mom?"  Are there any support groups out there for this?  I'll have to look.  I think my "nesting" urge is even worse than when I was in my twenties.  I believe it's because I'm running out of time and menopause will be soon.  And I had that endometrial ablation procedure last year because of my blood clot I had in my leg.  They were afraid I'd bleed too much with each period, so they stopped them all together.  Heck, I figure if I am not going to use my "baby parts", why have them?  I'd have a hysterectomy if they would let me.  I remember signing the consent form for the ablation procedure and it saying I would be rendered "sterile."  I had no choice anyway, so I signed the consent.  So now I am a mommy to my cat, "Jack."  To cheer me up, I'll post this cute picture I took of him recently.  I got one of those "pillow pets" for Christmas and Jackie had taken a liking to my lady bug.  He's such a stinker of a cat!!  But I love him so!!

He may be short and fuzzy and speak another "language", but he is my "son" nonetheless.  And I do thank God for all the other blessings I have in my life.  My family, being one.  And it's about to grow, too.  My father and his girlfriend, Gina have announced their engagement awhile back.  They promised me they would wait for the wedding until I had my surgery, since I'm unable to travel at this time.  I'm so excited for them!  They make a really sweet couple and it is so apparent how much they love each other every time I hear them on the phone.  We use our webcams sometimes, too.  I am so thankful my dad is no longer lonely and in grief.  We will never forget mom.  God, HOW COULD WE?  She was our everything.  But she is gone and life must go on.

I hope you all are well and happy and having a good 2011 so far.  I appreciate each and everyone who reads my blog....even when I'm depressed like I am today!!!

God bless you all!
Big hugs,

Questions, Questions and More Questions!

Hello, good friends and family!  Hope the first week of the New Year is going well for you.  I've had some ups and downs, so I don't know how to answer that appropriately yet!  I visited Fed-Ex's site and finally they updated it.  My reader should be in today.  Yay!!  I just hope the blasted thing works OK.  I have to set up the internet for it, so wish me luck.  I figured I would blog first and then play around with the reader when it comes.  It probably will take me a couple of days to set it up and get my e-books.  I'm so excited!!!  It will be the perfect thing to take with me to the hospital when I have the bariatric surgery.  (Provided that I WILL have the surgery!!)  I lost 25 pounds at my last doctor appointment.  I was so proud of myself, as I have been "pretending" I've had the surgery and doing severe portion control with everything.  So I can still lose weight, even without having the surgery.  I figured I'd start that just in case the insurance doesn't approve of the surgery.  The insurance I'm on has banned organ transplant procedures, so you never know what they will and will not cover.

Speaking of weight loss, I have NORMAL feet again!!!!  Both of my ankles and calves are back to what they used to be.  Yay!!  Unfortunately, the neuropathy is just as worse as ever.  Pain and hot prickly surges go up my legs, starting from my toes.  I don't think that will ever leave, unless I have surgery to de-compress the nerves that are pinched in my lower lumbar vertabrae.  Ugh!!  It's always something, isn't it????  At least I can go from a size 11 woman's shoe back to a 10.  Horray!!

And, yesterday I got a letter from the "lawyer from Hell."  She sent a subpeona (hope I spelled that right!) to an evaluator (she never said who....what's up with that?  It's MY case and she's keeping secrets from me!!) about my case.  This person will provide medical records in my case.  He/She will also testify at the trial.  I've got so many questions for this lawyer, and she won't listen to any of them.  I've got mixed feelings about this trial.  Should I still go?  Even though she said over the phone I didn't have a good case?  And if I DID  win, what would happen then?  I'd lose my state issued insurance for sure.  And I can't go on Medicare for another two years.  So I'd lose all health insurance.  My medications ALONE would cost most of the check.  It's not like we would benefit any from me getting a check at this point.  I just don't know what to do!!!  My family is putting it all up to me.  Yikes!!  If you've got some advice for me, I would love to hear it!!

I was taking a peek at my new camera and downloaded a few new pics of Jack that I took.  One is perfect for "Wordless Wednesday."  You will see that tomorrow.  :0)  But here is a close up of his adorable "lion cut."  I paid $55.00 on that so I love to show it off.  I also love spending time with Jack.  His world is so simple.  Eat, drink, potty and then lay with his "people."  That being me and my hubby.  No worries, no cares in the world.  Where do I sign up for that life????

Isn't he the cutest?  He knows it, too!!!  I just love the little plume on the end of his tail.

OK, I guess that is enough of my ranting for now.  Hope I didn't bore everyone into a coma about my goings-on with the Social Security and Medicare.  It bores me sometimes!!!

Hope you all have a great Tuesday.  I'm thinking about you all!!
Big hugs from me to you!!!
God bless,
Missy

PS....I EMAILED THE WINNER'S ADDRESSES TO THE CONTACT PERSON SPONSORING MY CHOCOLATE GIVEAWAY.  Big Thank-you to Sandy who sponsored me.  May we do this again soon!!  :0)

Lake Havasu, AZ

Howdy, fine friends!

I figured I had a little bit of time before waking my husband for his allergy shot and doctor's appointment to blog about when my mom, grandma and I went to Lake Havasu.  This was in the same trip as when we went to Oatman, AZ.  I blogged about that not too long ago (it's in the blog archive if you're interested).  Anyway, I believe this trip was in the late 1990's.  It was in the spring time, but Lake Havasu always is warmer than Yuma, AZ, which gets REALLY HOT in the summertime.  I loved our trips, though.  Every last one of them.  They are precious memories burned forever into my brain.  Especially now, because my mom is no longer with us.  Here is the famous "London Bridge" that actually IS from London!  They sent it over to us as a gift long ago.  Why the USA chose Lake Havasu to have the bridge, I don't know.  Anyway, it is a beautiful bridge.  The first picture was taken under the bridge.

Isn't it a beautiful bridge?  I thought so, too!!  Thank you to London!!  The next few photos were taken ON the bridge itself.  It has a little lane for walkers, which is what we did since we figured we'd enjoy it more instead of zooming by in a car and not seeing much.  And I could take better pictures, too.  Ya gotta have photos is my motto!!

Here was the entrance to the bridge.  It has a big plaque on the stone wall explaining the origins of the London bridge.  Unfortunately, I didn't have my good digital camera (they were really expensive in the 90's!) so I couldn't get the detail than what I can get on my digital camera now.  My hubby and I will have to go back retake these photos someday.

 

Here is a close-up of the plaque at the entrance.  You can read a little bit of it.  Looks like it came over to the USA in the early '70's?   Hard to tell.  Now if we had my good camera (instead of film!) we could read the whole sign with little effort.   We DEFINITELY need to get back over there and take digital pics!!

These two photos were both sides of the bridge.  It even had flags of the UK and street lamps that came with the bridge.  How cool is that?!

 

Ready to go under the bridge and see the shops, Lake Havasu, and assorted other goodies?  This photo was taken at the entrance steps to go underneath the bridge.

This photo was taken on the steps going down underneath the bridge.  It was like a whole village down there!!  Cottages, shops, boats.....boy, a person could get used to this!!  Something for everyone.

Look at that sky!  Not a cloud to be found.  Here are some of the cottages down below.  It really does look like its own village.

Here is a paddle wheel boat that offered "cruises" down the lake.  I wanted to go on one, but my travel companions didn't want to at the time....probably because of the cost to get on one.  Or maybe it was too full at the time we were there.  Good ole' "fibro fog."  And I've got it BAD today!!

Mom in front of a candle factory.  You could smell the heated wax from outside on the sidewalk.  What a great aroma!!  My mom and I loved candles and even had a small collection of them.

Okay, okay.  After MUCH prodding, here is my photo taken by the same candle factory Mom was standing in front of.  With how I look now, I'd LOVE to go back to yesterday.  I just didn't know how lucky I was back then.  Isn't that true for everyone?

What goes down, must come up!!!  Here is an adorable picture of my mom and grandma coming up the stairs and heading for the parking lot.  Just a few more steps, guys!  You can do it!!

Okay...I hope you enjoyed my "memory lane" thoughts and pictures.  I hope I don't bore anyone with this.  You know the joke about everyone hating seeing pictures of someone else's vacation.  Although I never minded it.  I love talking to people and hearing their memories.  That is why our trips were so important to me.  Especially the more recent ones.  Those were the ones that Grandma told Mom and I all her memories from long ago with Grandpa and her adolescent life at home with my Uncle Bob and Aunt Lois.  Those stories were such a hoot!!  Grandma lead a fascinating life and I loved hearing every last, juicy detail.

Alrighty....gotta go to get ready to head out in our lovely 70 degree weather. I feel sorry for you in the cold states with snow and ice!  Yikes!  I remember those days well when I lived in Michigan.  Grandma would call from Arizona and say something like, "I'm wearing shorts and have the windows open!"  We would be soooo jealous!!  Mean of her to do that, don't you agree?  And then here I do it myself on the blog.  Sorry about that! (LOL..._)

I can wait in the car while my hubby is getting his shot and read my book.  And then we are off to his first appointment with the pyschologist.  I don't know if I told you about his problem with skin picking?  He has been doing it for years now and it is a nervous habit of his.  He's got little scars on his arms and legs from past pickings.  My mother-in-law and I are at our whit's end with this.  He's already got a staph infection from picking off the scabs on his arm and I am afraid that in this "germy" world of ours, he'll get something worse that antiobiotics can't cure.  We're tried everything to get him to stop...."time-outs" from the computer, scoldings, reminders....the list goes on and on.  I hope this psychologist guy can help us.  I told Frankie to "open" up his heart to this guy and tell him everything.  He said he would.  We shall see!

My twitch is almost gone.  It doesn't seem too bad today.  Wooooo Hooooo!  Good riddance, is what I say!!  So it was the fear of not being able to lose 10 pounds (set by the doctor, no less!) by my doc appointment the end of November that had me stressed over my limit.  When I found out I had lost 12 pounds, it was like a weight (no pun intended!) off my shoulders.  Thank God!!

Hope you all have a great day!
God bless!
Until next post,

New Fibro Forum Video!

Hi, everyone!

I usually don't post three times in one day, but I couldn't figure out a way to put some text in with the video, "Faces Of Fibromyalgia 2010"  that I just posted before this post.  It just is beyond my limited Internet capabilities....LOL!  Anyway, this video is FANTASTIC!  You have to watch it.  Just go to my blog archive for today and you will see it listed by its name.  It was made by Sally, my co-host of the fibro support group on facebook called "Fibrowhat?" and "Fibrowhat? Forum" .  When you have a moment, please check out the video AND our support forums!  We welcome anyone that has fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome or ANY of the "Invisible diseases" and their caregivers or loved ones to be part of our "family."  We offer compassion, understanding, support and if you just feel like "venting" we have a special area just for that on the forum.  Both groups are FREE and DO require registration (which doesn't take long at all!) as they are closed to the public.  We do this to limit spammers and our members can feel more comfortable talking about their medical history when they know it's not being blasted all over the Internet.

While I have you here, my rheumatology appointment went well.  My twitch was there, but only mildly.  My speech was a lot better, too.  My husband only had to help out a few times.  The doc wants me to drop the prednisone down by 2 1/2 mg per week with a goal being 5mg a day.  He said that it won't be that much of a "jolt" to my body.  I had some labs done to check my "inflammatory markers" and he gave me prescriptions for the prednisone, flexeril and trazadone.  It was a gorgeous ride to the doctor's office.  We had our windows down and sun roof open for most of the trip.  I love it when it's the 70's in Arizona.  Breezy and comfortable and I don't sweat at all.  Oh, and I also lost 12 pounds!  Woooo hooooo!!!!!  I bet most of it was water weight, but still.  12 pounds!!!  2 pounds over what my primary care doctor wanted me to strive to lose!!  When I learned that, my twitch seemed to get better.  So it is a mental thing with me.  When my body feels overly stressed, it comes out with this stupid twitch.  I just felt horrible when I gained the last time when I saw my primary doc and she was disappointed in me.  I was too.  Good thing we figured it out and the twitch has dramatically improved.  My crazy body!!

Alrighty, hope everything is good for your Monday and you feel healthy and ready to take on the challenges of the world......or, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself!!  Maybe just the challenges of YOUR life!!!

Gentle hugs,

Remembering Mom

Hello, my good friends and family!  I hope this post finds you happy and healthy and in NO pain (or, minimal pain! We "fibromytes" know it's nearly impossible to have NO pain.)  I am doing OK, just tired and achy. This summer with my husband's surgery really took it out of me.  And trying to put it back in is like trying to squeeze a fat lady into a girdle!! LOL...  And I know really how hard that is, too, me being way over what I should on the scales!

I've really been extremely nostalgic lately for my mom. I know I talk about her a lot, but she meant a lot to me.  No getting over that.  People would think we were twins or sisters.  Now, I could read that in a good way....my mom looks YOUNGER than her age or I can read it in a bad way....being that I look OLDER than my age!!!  Mom loved it, nonetheless. The picture above is of my mom and I.  I had taken diet pills in the late 1990's for a few years, and lost a lot of weight. Then I had to quit the pills as they were raising my BP too high and the weight just piled back on.  I didn't learn anything when I was taking the pills, so I had no skills to hone in on after I stopped the pills.  This is why that surgery and after-care will be very important for me.  Maybe I can keep the weight off for life!!

I remember the last meal my mom fixed for me.  We were in the extended stay Motel 6 in San Antonio, TX and I was going through the orientation period that lasted two weeks.  Anyway, she fixed us both scrambled eggs (my favorite!), bacon and hash brown potatoes.  She fixed too much and we couldn't finish it all, but I'll always remember that meal as it was the last one I shared with my mom.  I didn't know it then, but when I think about it now, the lesson I learned is to treat every meal as if it were your last. You just don't know!!  The picture above was the last picture ever taken of my mom.  We were still in the motel and she was making funny faces and doing her crossword puzzle books. She loved those!  She probably would KILL ME if she knew I was posting pics of her in her nightgown, but oh well.  I love living on the fine line of danger!!!  As you can see on her left arm, she has a burn mark from when she fell in the parking lot of Walmart, trying to get into the van.  The pavement was so hot, she got little burns like that all over her body.  And it seemed like the ambulance was taking FOREVER!  I knew she had dislocated her artificial hip by the way she was sprawled out on the pavement.

Okay, now I will end my trip down memory lane by ending this post with a poem that I dedicate not only to my mom, but to all those people out there that have lost someone in their life.  May we all find peace in our hearts when we think of loved ones gone forever.

Keep My Memory Alive

Sometimes life is different
Than what we had expected.
Sometimes things turn
Out not the way we had planned,
But we must go on.
We must travel ahead in time.
And sometimes you can't look back,
The memories are still too strong
The time too new.
Sometimes people must leave the road
To travel another.
Or sometimes they have come to the end.
I have come to the end,
But don't be saddened,
For you must come to an end, too.
And I will see you again then.
But now you must travel on
Even though I can't be there
To travel with you.
I can't be there to wipe away your pain
Or be a shoulder to cry on.
But I am in your heart now and forever.
All you have to do is look only a little
And you will find me, waiting.
Waiting to give you my love.
When I left my ended road,
I chose to live in a safer place,
My soul sought out a new home.
And if you wish to feel it in your heart,
It is there,                                         
I am there.
So remember me,
But not with tears;
I am not a sorry and sad person.
Remember me with fondness,
And happiness and laughter,
All of these I had lived for.

Yes, sometimes we must leave
To travel another road.
I have been placed on that road away from you
But someday I will see you there, too.
We will hug, laugh,
And shed tears only of happiness.
Until then,
I want you to look back
And remember me like I was
And with a smile in your heart,
For that is where I am.
Be strong
And go on your road, your life
Living it for all it's worth,
Like I had.
Think of me often
And the times, places, and memories
Buried in your heart and mind.
That you know; and I know
Will keep my memory alive
And in all those who love me.

This is one of my favorite poems that I wrote.  I can see my mom saying those things to me and it gives me comfort.  I hope it does the same for you and the loved ones you have lost and miss so dearly.

The picture above is of my mom, on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, outside of Norfolk, Virginia.  My grandma, mom and I went to Virginia for that intensive speech program for stutterers.  That would be me!  That seminar was so worth it, though.  I lead a more productive life now, knowing that I can say my OWN name in public, or order what I REALLY want to eat, instead of what was the easiest to say.  The life of a stutterer is NOT fun, I tell you that.  But this course was a miracle for me. And we had so much fun driving cross country and having our little "adventures."

Okay, that'll do it for now. I wish you all a blessed week.  I hope you all get everything in life you ever dreamed of.....or at least a close second choice! LOL....

God bless,
Until next post,

Missy