Thursday, February 10, 2011

Bummer Day

This is another picture of my mom that captures EXACTLY how I feel today.  Just bummed out.  For one thing, I miss my mom more than words could ever begin to say.  I was thinking today that I haven't spoken to my mom in almost three years this coming July.  Three years I haven't heard her laugh, or sing or talk.  I can't tell her all that has happened since she died.  I just am missing her very hard this week for some reason.  It's like a tidal wave of grief that you must ride and once it passes, that grief just goes away until the next wave.  I hate this! 

Another thing that has me bummed is I still haven't heard from the bariatric clinic about my surgery and the insurance.  I'm afraid to call them, as I don't think I would survive the answer at this point.  I just KNOW they are going to turn me down.  Earlier this week on the news they had a report that the state is refusing to authorize ORGAN TRANSPLANTS.  One guy already died and many others are about to because of this.  If they are doing that, what chance does my surgery have of being authorized?  It's not near the magnitude of an organ transplant!!  I hear that people are going south of the border for surgery.  I may be in that line-up!  Who knows?  Our brilliant governor thinks the answer to our budget problem is to take childless couples OFF state insurance.  Oh, great!  Now I'm being discriminated against, too, because I don't have children!!  Thank God it has to go through the federal avenues to be approved and I CANNOT believe that this country would go that low and approve that.  If it does, Canada, here I come!!!!  Why can't they take money from the over blown salaries these people get?  Why is the fix for state AND federal budgets always to take away from the poor and elderly?  It just drives me bananas!!

I just wish I could turn the clock back to nursing school when I was thin, had a good credit score, could take a shower unaided and ready to tackle the world.  No fibro. No arthritis. I could move around with ease.  And I took it all for granted!  Now I've got myself into a big pickle that might lose medical insurance in October.  If I don't get that surgery, I'll see if my doctor will prescribe that diet pill for me, Phentermine.  I took it for a short time when I was living in Yuma and needed to lose weight.  I lost about 90 pounds on it.  Problem was, when I stopped it, I started over eating again.  I'll worry about that later.  I just need to drop pounds NOW and get back to work and get us out of this poverty situation.

OK, enough.  I'm sorry to drone on and on.  But it felt good to get that all out.  Blogging is very therapeutic.  I don't know what I'd do without it.  I've "met" so many neat people in various stages of life.  I'm so grateful for my blog and reading blogs of others.

I hope you all are having a better day.  Thanks for listening to me.  :0)

God bless,
Stay warm, my dear friends!


  1. I so understand how you feel about wanting to talk to your Mom and can't. Let's hope and pray you are approved for the surgery! I am sending you happy thoughts of that. It is a strange situation with the health care system, that is for sure. I don't understand what they are trying to do, but I hope it doesn't happen to you!

  2. My mom died Nov. 23, 2009 and I "talk" to her all the time! I say things like, "Mom, I'm glad you're not here to see this!" or "Mom, you would've liked that!" When I go to her gravesite, I usually try to sing but end up crying & can't finish the song. I sing Shania Twain's "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" or the song we played at her funeral, "Mama's Teaching Angels How to Sing". Fortunately, Dad has kept her voice on his answering machine, so if we need to hear her voice again, we can. What I miss are her gentle hands & her oh, so soft cheek... but I'm so glad her soul is out of that twisted, painful body she had!

  3. Missy
    hun your blog today is wonderful, I know what you are feeling, it has been 21 yrs in August since I heard or talked to my grandmother. ( I still miss her very much) Your dad and I are praying for your approval of your surgery. Keep your head up and that frown into a smile.

    hugs n blessings
    Gina n Dad

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