Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I cannot believe it's been over three years since you have left us.  It seems like just yesterday.  I've got so much to tell you, I just don't know where to begin.  I remember this picture fondly, of you in your wedding gown just before marrying Dad in March of 1969.  I wasn't even born yet, but one doesn't have to be to look into your wonderous eyes and not feel the elation you were going through.  You and dad sure didn't have it easy, but you never gave up.  For that, you will always be my hero.  Below is a pic of you and dad at the alter.  If you look close, you can see the red splotches on my dad's face from nerves.  He was sooo cute!!

Too bad the pic was in black in white and you can't really see the splotches.  You would be happy for him, I think, Mom.  He now has a new woman in his life, named Gina.  I think you would approve.  She has all the nice qualities that you possessed...kindness, tenderness & generosity.  She treats Dad well and he treats her well.  We will never forget you, Mom, but at least Dad isn't so lonely anymore.

Grandma is doing well, but we both miss dreadfully our California beach trips.  We must have went a million times, but each time it was different.  Between feeding the hungry birds their stale bread we collected for weeks before, to falling all over the whale boat....it just can't be beat.  A fond memory for me was Grandma slipping on the escalator at Ralphs in San Diego.  She for the life of her could not get up, so Mom bowed her head and said, "Let us pray, God."  We got to laughing so hard what when the escalator had hit the top, we could barely get through the store.  I'll cherish forever all the stories of a time well before MY time.  I love hearing about our family and will carry those stores wherever I go.

Frankie is doing well, had another operation since you've been gone.  It was a big one, and he took a long time to recover afterward, but he is on his road to recovery.  I just worry about him so, picking his skin to oblivion.  It's a nervous tick we are trying to get to the bottom of, so if anyone knows how to stop it, please contact me ASAP!!

Frankie's family is doing well.  I can never pay them back (or Grandma, either!) for all they've done for us since your death, Mom.  I can seriously say that if it weren't for them, we'd probably be gone, too.  So thank you, Schranz's from the bottom of my heart for taking me in like one of their own.

Mom, I've had a hard time since you've been gone.  For a long time, I was mad at God for not helping you.  It's taken me months to figure out that He HAS helped you - by taking you out of your misery.  That still doesn't stop my heart from going over the last week of your life.  I will never get over thinking I missed something I shouldn't have.  Or did I work you too hard with the travel nursing? It was hard work packing and unpacking for three months at a time and then moving on.  Maybe I wore you out.  I hope not.  I no longer am mad at God or think I made your death happen....but I still carry around hurt and missing you in my heart.  I think I always will.

Mom, you would be so proud of me, losing 100 lbs since my bariatric surgery in April, 2011.  I still have a ways to go and it was a long, hard road what with complications of diverticulitis and nausea and vomiting at every turn, but I think this six month mark is doing me good.  My stomach is getting stronger with spices.  I just have to be really careful.  And I think about you, how you took life's challenges head on and didn't stop until you completed the task.  If I could be HALF the woman you are, I will be happy.

I see in the picture of my mind, you at work at Medic One Ambulance as a 911 dispatcher.  You didn't let anything get in your way.  You went to work NOT on your two feet, but being pushed in on an office chair when the arthritis was so bad you couldn't walk.  That takes dedication!!
I am in the process of hunting for work soon, Mom.  I think I'm ready to go back to nursing, which is what you always wanted me to do.  You never let me give up in myself, even after I long gave up myself.  You were an amazing mom, one that will be in my heart forever.

I love you, Mom and I always well, no matter how much time I have left on this Earth.  I want to spend each day on the Lord's path and let Him guide me to the future he has laid out for me.  I promise to do my best and follow in your footsteps.  They didn't lead down an easy road, but whoever said life was easy?

May your star shine bright forever, Mom and may you fly on wings of Angels.  You sure worked for it and you deserve it.

Jack is doing well, too.  He misses you, though, I can just tell.  I'm now his "surrogate" mommy.  I feed him, give him water and play with him.  I remember you trying to teach him "no biting" when was a year old.  And you would sing to him the "Daisy Song" that he just loves.  He perches his ears when I sing and NOT in a good way.  How rude!!  Silly kitty!!!  But he gets in lots of purr time.  :0)

We are now heading for the third Christmas without you, Mom.  Or maybe not.  I'll set a place for you in my heart on your favorite holiday, Christmas.  I never thought I'd get this far without you around, but now I know that you are forever inside my heart.  And death doesn't reach there.

Forever love and I miss you terribly,
Your one and only daughter,