Thursday, September 29, 2011

Dear Mom

Dear Mom,

I cannot believe it's been over three years since you have left us.  It seems like just yesterday.  I've got so much to tell you, I just don't know where to begin.  I remember this picture fondly, of you in your wedding gown just before marrying Dad in March of 1969.  I wasn't even born yet, but one doesn't have to be to look into your wonderous eyes and not feel the elation you were going through.  You and dad sure didn't have it easy, but you never gave up.  For that, you will always be my hero.  Below is a pic of you and dad at the alter.  If you look close, you can see the red splotches on my dad's face from nerves.  He was sooo cute!!

Too bad the pic was in black in white and you can't really see the splotches.  You would be happy for him, I think, Mom.  He now has a new woman in his life, named Gina.  I think you would approve.  She has all the nice qualities that you possessed...kindness, tenderness & generosity.  She treats Dad well and he treats her well.  We will never forget you, Mom, but at least Dad isn't so lonely anymore.
Grandma is doing well, but we both miss dreadfully our California beach trips.  We must have went a million times, but each time it was different.  Between feeding the hungry birds their stale bread we collected for weeks before, to falling all over the whale boat....it just can't be beat.  A fond memory for me was Grandma slipping on the escalator at Ralphs in San Diego.  She for the life of her could not get up, so Mom bowed her head and said, "Let us pray, God."  We got to laughing so hard what when the escalator had hit the top, we could barely get through the store.  I'll cherish forever all the stories of a time well before MY time.  I love hearing about our family and will carry those stores wherever I go.

Frankie is doing well, had another operation since you've been gone.  It was a big one, and he took a long time to recover afterward, but he is on his road to recovery.  I just worry about him so, picking his skin to oblivion.  It's a nervous tick we are trying to get to the bottom of, so if anyone knows how to stop it, please contact me ASAP!!
Frankie's family is doing well.  I can never pay them back (or Grandma, either!) for all they've done for us since your death, Mom.  I can seriously say that if it weren't for them, we'd probably be gone, too.  So thank you, Schranz's from the bottom of my heart for taking me in like one of their own.

Mom, I've had a hard time since you've been gone.  For a long time, I was mad at God for not helping you.  It's taken me months to figure out that He HAS helped you - by taking you out of your misery.  That still doesn't stop my heart from going over the last week of your life.  I will never get over thinking I missed something I shouldn't have.  Or did I work you too hard with the travel nursing? It was hard work packing and unpacking for three months at a time and then moving on.  Maybe I wore you out.  I hope not.  I no longer am mad at God or think I made your death happen....but I still carry around hurt and missing you in my heart.  I think I always will.
Mom, you would be so proud of me, losing 100 lbs since my bariatric surgery in April, 2011.  I still have a ways to go and it was a long, hard road what with complications of diverticulitis and nausea and vomiting at every turn, but I think this six month mark is doing me good.  My stomach is getting stronger with spices.  I just have to be really careful.  And I think about you, how you took life's challenges head on and didn't stop until you completed the task.  If I could be HALF the woman you are, I will be happy.
I see in the picture of my mind, you at work at Medic One Ambulance as a 911 dispatcher.  You didn't let anything get in your way.  You went to work NOT on your two feet, but being pushed in on an office chair when the arthritis was so bad you couldn't walk.  That takes dedication!!
I am in the process of hunting for work soon, Mom.  I think I'm ready to go back to nursing, which is what you always wanted me to do.  You never let me give up in myself, even after I long gave up myself.  You were an amazing mom, one that will be in my heart forever.
I love you, Mom and I always well, no matter how much time I have left on this Earth.  I want to spend each day on the Lord's path and let Him guide me to the future he has laid out for me.  I promise to do my best and follow in your footsteps.  They didn't lead down an easy road, but whoever said life was easy?
May your star shine bright forever, Mom and may you fly on wings of Angels.  You sure worked for it and you deserve it.

Jack is doing well, too.  He misses you, though, I can just tell.  I'm now his "surrogate" mommy.  I feed him, give him water and play with him.  I remember you trying to teach him "no biting" when was a year old.  And you would sing to him the "Daisy Song" that he just loves.  He perches his ears when I sing and NOT in a good way.  How rude!!  Silly kitty!!!  But he gets in lots of purr time.  :0)
We are now heading for the third Christmas without you, Mom.  Or maybe not.  I'll set a place for you in my heart on your favorite holiday, Christmas.  I never thought I'd get this far without you around, but now I know that you are forever inside my heart.  And death doesn't reach there.
Forever love and I miss you terribly,
Your one and only daughter,

8 comments:

  1. Missy, I have tried to post a comment 2x but my ipad kicked me out! Grrrrr
    I will now give you an abbreviated summation!
    1. Loved your post
    2.Would have loved your Mom
    3. Loved the escalator story
    4. Your Mom is looking down on you with love and pride.
    5. She is at peace and wrapped in the love of her Heavenly Father

    Now I need a rest!
    Shawn

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings, I just know your Mom is looking down at you from heaven, and she is so proud of you. Proud of you as a daughter, proud of you as a woman, and very proud that you try every day, to move forward in this journey we call life. We are on this earth for a very short time, so be kind to those closest to you, and love those that surround you with support, love and help you help yourself. Love you guys!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I love this letter! It is so beautiful and loving! I know it must have been super hard to write that.

    Heather

    ReplyDelete
  4. Wow Missy this is a great blog, it brought tears to my eyes, today my "other dad" was laid to rest. I know it's hard hon, I will always be here for you.

    Love you
    Rainbow
    Ps your dad is doing very well.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Missy
    your blog today is great :) love seeing the pictures of your mom n dad. Thank you for the kind words you say about your dad and I to your mom. :) I will always be here for you

    Love n Hugs
    Rainbow & Dad

    ReplyDelete
  6. My mom died almost 2 years ago and I still miss her terribly. I have her dog Tonka which is always a comfort.

    ReplyDelete
  7. http://bunnybunny-gina.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's hard to pinpoint a specific time of onset. I've had upper, middle and lower back pain all of my adult life. The fatigue started 10 years ago and then came what felt like 2 broken feet. Numerous blood tests and doctor visits later, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. I think the stabbing pains are the worst, the fact that my feet still hurt is the most depressing. I have 5 children, 4 grandchildren and a wonderful husband, and a little dog. I want desperately to be left alone as it takes all of my concentration to deal with the pain. Then, of course, I get lonely and depressed and can see no point in getting out of bed other than the pain that pulls me out at 2:30AM daily. Medications have not helped. The side effects are worse than the pain. I'm beginning to honestly hope for Alzheimer's or an accidental death so my family has my insurance at least.

    ReplyDelete

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