Today was certainly a hectic day for Frankie and I. We stopped at so many places, my head is still in a whirl. AND, I got to drive again after almost a year of non-driving. Because my legs have been so bad with spasms, it was almost impossible for me to drive and use my right leg (my worst one, of course!) to operate the pedals. And, more embarrassing, until recently I couldn't FIT in the driver's seat. Yes, I'm not proud of this and I feel absolutely horrid about it, but I had gained so much weight that I actually ATE myself right out of the driver's seat!! The seat would be pushed way back but it didn't matter. I remember my mother had a test that checked her esophagus and stomach for ulcers and she needed someone to drive her home. Well, we didn't check before hand as it never entered our mind that I wouldn't fit behind the wheel. No, heck, we waited until after the test, the nurse wheeled my mom out and was waiting on the sidewalk for me to pull our Honda van up to the curb. Well, I go to where Mom had parked it that morning and go to get into the driver's seat and I couldn't even get one leg in! So here I am, all panic and misery, people are staring at me, my mom is waiting for me and I couldn't get into the damn van! Thank God my grandma was with us, but she had surrendered her license the previous year due to her advancing age and she felt she wasn't making good decisions behind the wheel. Mom and I agreed and almost had to have that talk with her that we felt she couldn't drive safely anymore, but she came to the conclusion all by herself. So she gave us her car and we traded it in for a nice, roomy van....except for the driver's seat!
Anyway, back to my story....grandma gets into the driver's seat and gets the van up to the curb. Mom tells the nurse we are fine and she didn't need to stay any longer. Unfortunately, due to rules (yada-yada!) she had to stay. Soooo, I got into the back, mom rode shot-gun and grandma drove us out onto the street and to the parking lot of the shopping complex next to the endoscopy clinic. Mom gets out and switches with grandma and she drives us home as usual. I felt so horrible, bad, miserable, any adjective you could think of about myself. What a failure! I couldn't even drive anymore!!! I think that is when I became serious about losing weight. That story took place about 6 months before my mom died. And I DID lose enough weight that I could drive the van back from San Antonio to Phoenix. I don't ever want to be that fat again!!!!
It felt really good being outside today with my husband. To enjoy the sunshine and heat and sweat like a pig! I went through Wal Mart looking like I just came from the shower and hadn't bothered to towel off. One of my nine hundred medications makes me sweat profusely!! And we are going through a record breaking heat wave, even for Arizona! By the early part of next week, we'll see triple digits up to the 110 range. Ah, good ole' Arizona! We then went to the outpatient clinic where Frankie would have his test tomorrow so I would know the route to take when I drive him home. He'll probably be zonked out so it was helpful to take a test run when he was awake and could help me. My mother-in-law is coming with us, too, and she can help me get us home, too. She is legally blind with macular degeneration, but I swear.....she does better with directions and getting us to places than a GPS!!! No kidding!
As I was driving home, though, my right leg kept cramping up and I had spasms so bad I wanted to scream! I'm also having funky muscle spasms in my throat and right hand. My fingers will actually pull to one side with spasm. It only lasts for a few seconds and then it's gone, but still! I hate that! And with my throat I'll swallow something, it will get stuck in the middle of swallowing and I'll have to tell myself not to panic, just relax, and the spasm will ease up and I can swallow again. So not fun!
So today I learned that I can still drive, just not for long distances until my legs get "fixed", however that may be. They are so swollen I had to get a size 11 wide in shoes and bigger socks that fit up to size 12 feet. I've been stuck with this stupid swelling for soooo long.....when will it end? I'm tired of water pills, going to the bathroom every 12 seconds and seeing the sock and shoe imprint embedded into the skin on the top of my feet. I hope the doctor appointment on June 11th will shed some light on why my feet are like this. I also learned today that my insurance denied to pay for the sleep study. I'm kind of glad...wasn't looking forward to it anyway. I can't sleep knowing people are watching me!!!!
Well, I'll end this entry and go take a shower and wash off my grimy body. (Pleasant picture that makes, huh?). Then I will put my feet up and fall asleep, I am quite sure. I hope you all are well and happy. I'll let you know how Frankie's test goes tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed and the prayers flowing our way, please. I really appreciate it!
God bless you all!!!!
Until next post,
FibromyWHAT? by Melissa Schranz is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.