Sunday, May 30, 2010

Reflections

Hello! I'll just jump right in by saying that my husband finally got a bit of good news yesterday when we visited the new surgeon in Scottsdale.  I really liked him-he's young, aggressive and knew all about Frankie's case because his oncologist had been calling him all week to fill him in on the specifics. Because these tumors have a tendency to be very quick in growing when they recur, I'm so glad that they are not wasting any time with getting him treated. The game plan is he will have a test next week-on Thursday or Friday-to check his stomach and see what is in there. We are hoping it is just a blob of undigested contrast (ewe!) as opposed to a tumor. If it IS a tumor, then when he is in surgery for his intestine, they will remove the tumor and part of his stomach at that time.  You are probably asking yourself at this point, "where's the good news?" The good news is that Frankie's oncologist doesn't believe the tumor in his intestine has spread to ANYTHING else. Which makes it very easy to take care of with surgical removal and continue the Gleevec.  If it had spread, then he more than likely would have been switched from Gleevec to the other drug, Sutent, which has a list of side effects that would stretch the Great Wall of China!  The surgeon told us that Frankie's surgery would be probably in two weeks.  I will be so glad-and so will Frankie!-to get this over with.

I was looking through some pictures of my family today and I got into a real reflective mood. I'm going to be turning 40 next month and what have I done with my life? Sure, I studied hard in school and graduated with honors from nursing school in 1993 and worked hard at whatever job I had for a solid 14 years. I managed to overcome my speech impediment (I went to a training course for stutterers in Norfolk, VA in 1999 and I have a fluency rate of about 90% now! So if you know of anyone in need of such a course, email me and I will give you the details) AND I worked with the fibromyalgia going in and out of flare-ups. Then the RA diagnosis came in 2004, but we caught that so early, no damage has been done so far. I take Arava for it and I am in remission for the RA.

Despite all that I have overcome, here I sit, unemployed, I can't work because the slipped discs in my back hurt so bad and are sending shooting pains down to my toes of both feet and my feet are so swollen, you can see the line imprint on my skin from my socks!  I take enough morphine to choke a horse and besides that, I take 22 other medications to get me through the day. We are living with my husband's folks (which I am so grateful for all they have done for us-I love them to pieces!) it's just that Frankie and I want to get our stuff from San Antonio and move into our own apartment and get on with life. Every time we think we are on top of things, something happens.  We can't save very much money, because Social Security won't give me what I deserve and we just have my husband's disability check to go on. Take away our monthly expenses and there isn't too much left!  


I don't mean to go on and on. Forgive me. I AM grateful for all that God has given us and I can't say enough how much I appreciate Frankie's family for taking me (and my dad, for awhile until he screwed up and was booted back to Michigan!) on as one of their own. I've never had siblings, so it's so much fun to think of my sister-in-law Barbara as my real sister. She IS my real sister! I feel I can talk to her about anything, as with my mother-in-law. My husband's brother Doug lives in Wisconsin, so we aren't too close with him due to the distance.  I also miss my old life, too.  I miss my mom and my dad and all the fun times we had. I'm so glad I took a lot of pictures of all our adventures and when we would goof around at home. I'm glad I have every single one of them to cherish forever-because they are all I have.  My mom is gone forever and my dad.....he's a whole story in himself. I will talk about that in later blogs.  He has a lot of problems and I wish him well in Michigan, I truly do.  It's just that we can't live together anymore because he is a user and I can't deal with that anymore. I grew up knowing my dad had a problem with prescription drugs and now that I have a life WITHOUT having to worry about if he is going to throw a fit because the pharmacy won't fill his prescription because it's too soon, I don't want to go back to that old life.  Yet I miss certain aspects of it.  I'm confused!  And just very depressed because I gained a lot of weight, so I can't have my back surgery until I lose that weight, so I can't work until I lose weight to have the surgery so I can work again!  I'm just in one big vicious cycle that has my head spinning so fast, I'm dizzy.  


Looking at those pictures of happier times with my mom and dad has made me very nostalgic. I wish I felt like I did back then, only back then I took it all for granted.  Whoever said that "youth is wasted on the young" was very wise. Oh, how true that is!!  I've learned one big lesson from all my reflecting and it's this: don't ever take for granted the things and people in your life. Because one day, when the fun is over and it's time for everyone to go home, if you took it for granted then that time of your life is gone forever.  Live for today and take time to stop and smell the roses. But don't smell too much because if you are allergic or have hay fever, then boy will you regret that! LOL!  I know, stupid joke. I have a lot of them!!!


Hope you all are happy and well and Happy Memorial day on Monday. Thank you to all who have served our country and lost their lives for our freedom. I don't ever want to take THAT for granted either.


Until next post,
Missy





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