I am so very depressed, agitated and frustrated tonight. My husband is STILL trapped in the hospital, he STILL has the nasogastric tube in and yesterday's trial on clear liquids was a total bust. He was vomiting by midnight. So they had to hook the NG tube back to suction again and he's been getting out oodles of drainage that isn't going down into the intestines like it should. He's doing everything he can and is even passing gas every day and had a little "brown" accident, if you know what I mean! So his intestines are starting to work, but they think he has a little blockage somewhere that is stopping the drainage from going down. So it goes where it can only go-UP, thus the huge amount of drainage out in his NG tube.
My husband is very discouraged. He can't sleep, he's worried, he's fidgety. He picks at everything-the blankets, the tubes, repeatedly asks the same questions because he can't focus, as he's totally exhausted. He's got bags underneath his eyes so big they could be packed and ready to go to Europe! He's lost some weight, too, which is to be expected. They have him on IV nutrition right now, so at least he's getting some calories in. I'm just so worried about where all this drainage is coming from and when it will stop. Frankie is worried, too, and calls me all the time. Last night he called me three times during the night. So, of course, the fibro is completely out of control right now because of everything that has happened. My legs and back are so bad, I walk like a ninety year old woman with my walker. My right leg is almost a constant cramp and that's my driving leg! But I'm managing.....I have to! I can't leave him up there all alone and not visit, but this back and forth is a killer. I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL HE COMES HOME!!!! When will that be? It seems like we take one step forward to make two giant steps back. I feel like we are getting nowhere, and I know Frankie feels the same. I try to hide my worry and fear from him, but I think he senses it and feels the same way. Who wouldn't?
And then I had to have some words with one of his nurses, Bob, tonight over him calling the doctor to see if Frankie can have anything to help him sleep. Well, good ole' Bob doesn't believe in that kind of stuff and thinks Frankie has had enough. But because I feel so strongly about it, he says, he will call the doctor and see what happens. I bet! And even if he did call, he wouldn't be a patient advocate here. He'd probably talk the doctor OUT of prescribing anything for anxiety. But we'll see what happens. I'm going to the hospital early tomorrow at 7am and see if I can speak with the doctor(s). I want to find out what's going on, the game plan and the future. Today Frankie had X-rays of his abdomen to check the "gas patterns" and compare it to the films he had taken a few days ago to see if there's a change. That's all I know so far, which isn't a whole heck of a lot.
I miss Frankie! I want him home! Is that too much to ask, God? Please help us!! I just am exhausted, desperate and a maniac right now. I think I'll finish this post and go to bed. Maybe I can have a really nice, peaceful dream of me floating on a raft in the clear, blue Pacific, a little drink in my hand-the kind that has the little umbrella on top-the waves calm, back and forth, luring me into a deep slumber....then, knowing MY luck, I'd have a hurricane or sharks on my trail and be swimming for my life back to shore!!
Oh, and I also got a call from my dad this morning, before I went to see my husband. My uncle John (Dad's younger brother) died this morning of lung cancer that spread all over his body. He was in Hospice at my aunt's house. I didn't know about the cancer until a few weeks ago, but apparently neither did my Uncle John, either that or he chose to have no treatment for it. I don't know. But he died at only 58 years old. He was a heavy smoker and drinker his whole life and I know people say, well, he had it coming...but I don't agree. I don't think ANYONE has cancer coming to them, regardless of what mistakes they've made in their life. Luckily my Uncle accepted the Lord into his life before he died.
My dad sounds GREAT. Who would have known that the cure for him and his addictions was to give him an apartment? This first month has gone off very well, except Social Security screwed up his check and they are issuing him a new check within 7-10 days. My other uncle, Joey, is coming down and taking my dad food shopping, which I think is very nice of him. So the Karchunas's have appeared to turn over a new leaf and actually work as a team, instead of each man/woman for themselves.
Hope you all are OK. I'm sorry to rattle on like this, but as always, I feel much better after blogging. It IS very therapeutic and I recommend it to anyone and everyone who has lots of issues to talk about. I like it even more than talking to a counselor. With the computer, it's just me and I can say whatever I want. And you guys are my "sounding off" board and keep me sane.....boy, now THERE'S a hard job!!!
Take care everyone and thank you for following my blog and listening to me blather on and on. I appreciate each and every one of you!! Have a good and safe week!!!!!
Until next post,
FibromyWHAT? by Melissa Schranz is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.