Saturday, July 17, 2010

Life Sucks!

Howdy, my good friends!

Don't ya just love with how I started this post? Life sucks ONLY when you have things that happen that you didn't plan on happening. Like my husband going in for a "routine" tumor removal three weeks and two days ago and he is STILL in the hospital!  And it doesn't look like he will be getting out any time soon. He still has a lot of gastric contents that his intestines just aren't processing at this time. The doctor today thinks that maybe something got "twisted" or kinked in his intestines during surgery, so that is why nothing is going any further than his stomach. So if he doesn't go down in the amount of gastric fluids he is putting out through the NG tube by Monday, then he will have more surgery to see what the problem is.  He's been putting out about 1800 cc's of gastric fluid a 12 hour shift.  That's too much, WAY too much, to have out this late in the game.  My sweetheart has done everything he can to help things along. He walked so much today that the hallways have tread marks on them....LOL!  We were thinking along the lines of when a horse has a twisted intestine you walk them around. Maybe it works in humans, too. Heck, who knows?  The walking certainly can't hurt.

They are limiting him to ONE cup of ice chips A DAY, so he gets like one or two chips several times in the day to spread them out.  He says his mouth is so dry, he can't stand it.  The poor guy is sucking on a wet wash cloth to keep his mouth and lips wet.  And he's gone through two chap sticks so far because his lips were getting all dry and crusty.  I just feel so badly for him. Nothing has gone as planned, as usual. It just seems like Frankie and I can't ever catch a break. We fix one problem, only to have two more waiting in the wings.  I just am praying really hard that the good Lord above will get us through this one. I'll worry about tomorrow next week! LOL!

It's getting harder and harder to say goodbye to him when I leave for the day. I just want to stuff him in my purse and sneak him out and take him home. Can I do that? No.....I can't take him home how he is now. He can't eat and is living off of IV nutrition through a PICC line. When I stop and think about it, he's been having problems with his bowels (severe constipation) and vomiting even before the surgery. We thought it was due to the narcotics that he takes for his leg pains, but maybe not.  So we need to have him "fixed" and if another surgery will do it, that's what we'll have to do.  But it rips my heart out to see the look in his eyes as I bend down to kiss him good night.  I'll touch his brow and he'll touch my cheek and we'll stay like that for awhile, just looking at each other, not wanting the moment to end. But it does end and I waddle with my walker down four floors and out into the humid, HOT AZ heat to our car alone.  This is where life sucks!

I came home tonight and used every last bit of energy I had to take a shower and write this blog post. My legs feel like cement and they are alternating between numbness and tingling to pins and needles and pain.  The muscles in both calves painfully constrict while I'm driving (of course!) and I even had to pull off the side of the road a few times until the spasm passed.  My fibro is taking this ordeal and running with it. No matter what I do, or use or take, the fibro is one step ahead to make my life even more miserable.  I hate having fibromyalgia. I wish I never heard the term. I wish I could bury my head in the sand and forget about life for awhile.  But I must remain strong for my husband as he needs me the most right now. And I will be there for him no matter how badly I hurt.  I took a little self portrait of myself as I felt I wasn't being fair posting pictures of me taken several years ago when I looked "normal."  Or, BEFORE PREDNISONE!  Since I've had to remain on 20mg a day of Prednisone, I have the distinctive "moon face" or "bowling ball head" as my mom lovingly called her own head. She said all she needed was the "finger holes."  She was on the same amount as me.  So, I guess I'll show you the real me, how I look today.  Due to the graphic nature of said photo, you might want to use parental guidance.....I'm not kidding. It's horrible! But it's me and you can see by the bags under my eyes how I'm handling all this.  So here we go......

Hopefully if I can have that lap-band procedure and lose a lot of weight, my Prednisone face will shrink some. Lord, let's hope so!!  But anyway, this is me.  I gotta accept that.  On to better things....

Jackie got his new summer 'do.  About three times a year I take him to the groomer for his bath and shaving. I have them shave all his fur off and he looks just adorable with a shaved body and the furry face. He looks like a "bobble head" sometimes!  But he stays cooler and his fur is a nightmare to try and keep brushed. For one thing, he HATES the brushing and won't stay still. And then it gets horribly matted because his fur is thick and bushy. So shaving is the way to go.  Here is a pic I took of him after his grooming. He looks a little grumpy because I woke him up out of one of his many naps that day.....

Isn't he just the cutest?  I'm telling ya, if you have a long haired cat and can't deal with his/her fur, then shaving is the way to go!!!  The groomer even gave Jack a flea bath because she said she found ONE flea on him.  How does a completely indoor cat get one flea? I don't know about that, but he did get the royal treatment at the groomers.

Well, that it's for now. I'll give you the full update on what happens with Frankie on Monday as soon as I know myself. I plan on getting down there at 7am and waiting for the surgeon to come in and see what we do next.  I love my husband dearly, but he is horrible at giving me details on what the doctors tell him. So I pop along with and that's what I plan on doing on Monday!!  Hope you all have a great weekend and hopefully that picture of me won't give you nightmares....LOL!!

Until next post,
Big hugs,
Missy

4 comments:

  1. Missy,
    I am so sorry for your husband's slow recovery process. I can only imagine how hard this must be for the two of you. You are an inspiration and I pray that God give the doctors' wisdom to know what is going on and for you & Frankie's strength.
    As I looked at your picture I saw beauty, your face may look like a "bowling ball" to you, but I saw beauty and courage. Beauty goes way beyond what is on the outside! Hang in there and I will keep up the prayers.
    Much love in Christ, Damita Duplantis

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thank you so very much, Damita. You have brightened my day with your lovely comment! Much love in Christ to YOU, my friend.
    Hugs,
    Missy

    ReplyDelete
  3. Missy,
    You are a tower of strength. Most very healthy and physically strong people would be crumbling by now just from the past few weeks with your husband in the hospital. You amaze me and give me courage. Thank you for that. I'm sure it must be pure love that keeps you going not only having to take care of yourself but to keep his eye on the ball of his recovery also. Missy you ROCK!
    Have a great day!
    Patti

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you so much, Patti. You brought a mist to my eyes! Your kind words have given me the strength to go get dressed now and get ready to go back to the hospital. God bless you, Patti!
    Hugs,
    Missy

    ReplyDelete

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